This is NOT Dream Material!
by OceanChild
Summary: Artemis and Co. have retrieved their memories- but Holly- well... THIS STORY IS BACK! A CLASSIC BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE!
1. Default Chapter

This is NOT Dream Material!  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing but myself and the essential plot. And another AF fic that I've not gotten the chance to finish posting. For those of you that remember "A Different Phase of Love," I've removed it. Cheers to all my loyal reveiwers! I have not forgotten you!! *Grins sheepishly* I hope I won't present opportunity to explode over Mary- Sue prosectuters- I'm staying safe and not inventing anymore characters. Summer Break is almost here, so I should be granted computer priveledges (legally) again very soon. *Cheers* Hope everyone likes the story!  
  
This chapter's all starter, it wll get good! I have a plot, I promise! Lotsa plot, no time to type. Grrrrrr. *turns into tiger and eats everything* That was fun ; D  
  
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Captain Holly Short was not an elf to be reckoned with. One centimeter under 3 feet of toughness and 'tude, which was a requirement for being the first female LEPrecon officer. Not for the training, not for the early wake- ups, but for the boys.  
  
Chix Verbil was, admittedly, the primary offender. He didn't ever let her alone. Never. When his wing was injured and there was no hope of his flying with the First Flight Sprite Squad again, he was reduced to work in the building. Flying minor papers up to various floors and handling paperwork was the extent of his requirements. He had a lot of free time, since no one he worked with liked to have to deal with him. So he had a lot of time to follow Holly like a little lost puppy.  
  
If it wasn't Chix, it was Grub. He hadn't quite figured out that she had left him with the goblins to save the world, and would point out to her that he had been stuck waiting for a whopping 3 hours, during which time a goblin looked at him the wrong way. True to form, he filed a complaint. And kept pestering her.  
  
If not Grub, Foaly. The centaur had insisted on being the most annoying creature in the universe, and even had the monogram: "Foaly Centuar, M.A.C.U. Technical Genius and Inventor" engraved on his business cards. [the """ " stands for most annoying......] he exercized this title a little too much for anybody's liking, and as Holly was the closest friend he had, she often was the victem of many an annoying act.  
  
And then there was Root. Root was becoming increasingly difficult to deal with, as he often caught Holly daydreaming.  
  
Daydreams were new for her. Before, she never had a problem with staying on task. Now, though, her business-like thoughts were interrupted with thoughts of a certain Artemis Fowl and Domovoi Butler. What were they doing? Did they remember her at all? Would they overcome the mindwipe?  
  
Part of her almost hoped so. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. But then again, the memories of Artemis as a cocky little brat were enough to make her glad that they were gone. But it had been too easy. The Fowl Family would be back, and the question was only when.  
  
Root was sick and tired of her daydreams, though, and had threatened her all too seriously with mindwipes herself if she didn't get over them. But still, it would be difficult to do so. Who else would save them if Fowl came back?  
  
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Holly woke up screaming. That dream, the same sick and twisted dream that never let her sleep unhindered. The threat of her own mindwipe made her more and more uneasy, and it was probably that stress that triggered the nightmares.  
  
It started with a gnawing tug at the back of the mind. Pulling, tugging, jerking, and gradually working up to be a yanking pull on the memories. The memories... they meant so much... I don't want them to go... pain, hurt, clutching the memories as they were ripped cruelly away... torn, slashed, and merely erased at one creature's whim....  
  
Butler awoke in a cold sweat. That persistent dream was getting to him. What was it? It seemed so familiar- a memory, but of what?  
  
Mulling over the dream and its contents, Butler shuffled downstairs to the kitchen. He heard the sounds of the family getting up, and began assembling breakfast. He had a taste for eggs. Eggs Benedict would do it.  
  
He pulled out the eggs- two each for Artemis Sr., Angeline, Juliet and himself. As he listened to the laughter from upstairs (Artemis Sr. is up, then, he thought, getting his prosthetic leg on), he wondered how Artemis was doing at St. Bartleby's. The staff and administration at the school had been very reluctant at first about letting him back.  
  
Butler grinned as he cracked the eggs into the steaming pan. They were still reluctant. He understood perfectly, as Artemis often had that effect on people, but it was still an amusing thing, to see full grown adults tremble at the sound of the boy's name. Artemis was an unusual one.  
  
Juliet came in, already dressed and flipping the ends of her braid through a large jade ring.  
  
"Morning, Dom," She said, pulling the english muffins out of the toaster.  
  
"Another audition today?"  
  
"Yup. Local, this time. The Ireland Wrestling Squad needs a new wrestler. Jade Princess will strike again."  
  
"Be careful, though, ok?" Butler looked at her with worried eyes. "You're not that big yet. I don't want you getting hurt like I did."  
  
Juliet hugged her big brother carefully, making sure she didn't crush his ribs. "Don't worry, I'm smart. I won't go breaking ribs and not fixing them."  
  
Domovoi gave her a soft punch. "Yeah, well, you can still be stupid when you're smart. And I was the best. Now I'm just a little slower."  
  
Angeline and Artemis Fowl strolled into the kitchen together. Artemis Sr. took over beating the Hollandaise sause from Butler, insisting that he rest. Panting slightly from the exercise, Butler began setting the dining room table.  
  
It would seem things were back to normal.  
  
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Review review review! 


	2. Not Quite and Chapter 2

Chapter 3  
  
Memories  
  
Same disclaimer as always. I own nothing and would be proud, but I have no pride. Ner.  
  
Thanks to my [two] reviewers! I have lots of time now that I'm out of school, though this weekend I'll be at the beach. I appreciate all the support and would appreciate a lot more!  
  
Artemis groaned. His head was aching. The same mind-wrenching dream- what was it about? It seemed very familiar. But then again, who would forget the feeling of getting you brain dragged through sandpaper.  
  
It sent chills up his spine, just thinking about it. He shivered. Rubbing his temples, he leaned against the desk, trying to shut out the teacher's endless droning.....  
  
Trouble is, the teacher noticed.  
  
"Fowl! What's wrong with you, boy?" Mr. Hoptkins was not known for his subtlety. No more than he was for his good looks. "Need the nurse again?"  
  
Artemis stayed where he was. "Yes."  
  
"Say 'Yes sir, Mr. Hoptkins.' Speak up!"  
  
"Yes sir, Mr. Hoptkins. Speak up!" Artemis barely noticed the snickers his response aroused. He barely noticed that he had said more than instructed. He barely noticed anything, with the obvious exception of the bombs going off in his head.  
  
"You trying to be smart, boy?" If Artemis had not been feeling so out of sorts, he would have looked up and seen the now looming Mr. Hoptkins, who had a stiff yardstick in his hand. He would never use it, of course, but he thought it made him more menacing and respected. Menacing it did, respected it did not.  
  
Artemis was past caring. "Yes sir, Mr. Hoptkins. I think I need-"  
  
"What!" Mr. Hoptkins roared. He had never encountered this before. The poor kid must really be sick. "That's it. You'll be in the nurse's office before lunch!"  
  
Artemis had barely muttered "Thank you sir, Mr. Hoptkins," when the teacher hefted him out of his seat by the collar. He would be sent straight to the nurse, of course, but the other boys could imagine that he would be beaten in the hall and then sent to the nurse to heal. That was Mr. Hoptkins for you. Teach 'em a lesson with fear. Worked every time; the boys still feared him and usually behaved.  
  
Artemis landed in the nurse's chair with a plump, wincing as he felt the cold unpadded wood. He leaned his head back and sighed. He had to have a fever. That and a migraine. Maybe the dream had something to do with it, but he doubted it. Fever and migraine, plus maybe a cold and measles. Chicken pox? It could well be small pox for all he knew.  
  
He felt like he was dying. Weird, all over. Something like that. Like what?  
  
The nurse interrupted his sad little twisted thoughts with "lay down on the cot" and a thermometer. Artemis rolled onto the bed and tried to stop thinking.  
  
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The nurse straightened up from the patient. This was not a healthy patient. Something like a fever and migraine, with other side effects and probably caused by stress.  
  
The thermometer beeped. She took it out of his mouth and gasped. 105 fevers usually could be foreseen, but this one was real as life and twice as unexpected. [A/N: I don't know! It sounded good] She gently prodded the patient until he opened his eyes.  
  
"Mhnmnmeh?"  
  
"Artemis, you have a very high fever. You are very very sick, so we are going to call your family. This is a bit frightening, so just stay calm and go to sleep."  
  
Not like that was a problem. The boy's eyes closed, and his breathing evened. Didn't have to tell him twice.  
  
She scurried over to the PA system. Calling the office, she asked the secretary to alert the director and call the Fowl family and let them know that their son was seriously ill.  
  
Hanging up the phone, the nurse said a little prayer for the boy's family. Then she waited for the ambulance.  
  
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Holly was slightly limping as she came into work the next day. As she had just learned, kicking refrigerators to relieve the pain of a nightmare only hurt her more and dented the fridge. And it would only be natural that she not have enough magic to heal it.  
  
[A/N: Holly always seems to be running dry. Has anyone else noticed that in the books and stuff? Just keeping the tradition. And it keeps with the story, too, of course]  
  
Coming in through the formidable double doors, she winced as a hurried sprite stompted on her toe in a rush to leave, effectively killing the point of Holly using nearely all her magic to ease the pain of a split toenail.  
  
Holly sighed. It was going to be a long day, and why she had decided to arrive at work early for it was beyond her. But, as she rounded the corner to the corridor with her commander's office in it, she was glad she did. It was usually a good thing, to arrive early for a day you're going to take off.  
  
She knocked on the door, flinching at the very unwelcoming "Come in."  
  
"Sorry, sir, but I have some bad news."  
  
Root rolled his eyes. Why did bad news have to come in the morning? Ruin my day, why doncha.  
  
"I'm out of magic. I need to complete the Ritual."  
  
Root looked at Holly as a cat might look at a bird, debating whether chewing her out would be satisfying or just time consuming.  
  
"You should have done this before you were completely out, Short. Now. Foaly, give me the Ritual information on the mainscreen."  
  
Foaly suddenly appeared in a small box on Root's computer screen. Cameras were a great thing. Foaly looked around the commander's messy office, waving at Holly and grinning.  
  
"I don't have to. See the icon on your screen? The acorn with the words 'Ritual Information'? Well here's how you can do it yourself. Now listen closely, it's a bit tricky-"  
  
But before the overconfident centuar could begin his seminar on the methods of point-and-click, the impatient commander exploded. "FOALY! I DON'T WANT TO LEARN HOW TO DO IT MYSELF! BIG IMPORTANT FAIRIES LIKE ME HIRE LITTLE UNIMPORTANT FAIRIES LIKE YOU TO DO ALL THE GRUNT WORK! SO DO-"  
  
The aforesaid commander was unable to finish his aforesaid explosion because the aforesaid centuar surprised him by pulling up for him the aforesaid file.  
  
While Root regained his breath and lit a smelly fungus cigar, Holly looked up and down the list.  
  
"All the locations are out!"  
  
Foaly corrected her. "All but one, my dear. Time for a trip down memory lane for Captain Holly Short."  
  
Holly scowled at the grinning centuar.  
  
"I'll send a techie down with some wings and a camo foil. Sorry, Holly, but it's the best I can do." The commander looked at Holly, worried. He certainly did not want his best officer to go through a mental breakdown because of revisiting the site a now mindwiped Mud Boy kidnapped her. But it was a risk they had to take.  
  
Holly nodded at the commander. "I'm sure I'll be fine."  
  
Foaly nodded incouragingly at her. "I'm sure you will, too. But this whole thing could've been avoided if you had just used my newly patented timestopped acorn-" Again, the newly grinning centuar had annoyed the newly steaming commander, who looked at the newly anxious captain and pointed at the newly unplugged cords that provided the moniter to be newly blank.  
  
[A/N: sorry if that "newly" thing was annoying.]  
  
"Well," Root said slowly, "It would look like you're going to Tara."  
  
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Well? You like? Review review review!  
  
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	3. Poor Artemis

Chapter 5  
  
A Breakthrough  
  
Artemis was loaded into the ambulence with all speed when the vehicle arrived. He was moved to the Emergency Care Center within 10 minutes of the call from the nurse.  
  
Artemis Sr. and Angeline burst into the waiting room while Butler parked the car. Juliet was going to stay home until they returned, which was just as well.  
  
Making his way to the front desk, Artemis Sr. demanded that the small, rather unstable looking receptionist lead them to his son.  
  
The receptionist looked up at them and squeaked. "Um, er, there'll be some problems with that, sir, as Artemis Fowl the Second is currently under respirators and any visitors-"  
  
Then Butler strode in and leaned over the desk. "You must be mistaken. I've been in places much less civilized than this, and we've never had a problem with the people whose job is to let someone who may very well be on their deathbed see their family, for crying out loud!" Having said this all in one breath, the bodyguard glowered at the lady and, chest heaving, scowled at her some more as he went to sit down.  
  
The poor lady gave a faint "meep" as she hit the intercom button and talked into her headset. "Hello, Doctor Landby? The Fowl boy's family is here to see him." She listened to the response, then said, "Yes, well, I told them, but they are quite desparate and seem to think that being withheld from their son on his deathbed is uncivilized and-" She paused, listening again. "Very well. I'll send them down."  
  
She pressed off the intercom, and looked at the family. Butler sttod up and joined them again. "Well?" asked Angeline. "May we please see him?"  
  
The tiny receptionist looked up at her, and in her eyes there was an apparent pity for the mother. "Yes, ma'am. The doctor said you may visit for a short time, provided that you all are in full health and have no viruses or bugs of any kind."  
  
She looked the rather tall group up and down, debating whether or not she should stand up and appear even smaller than she really was. Deciding against it, she informed them which room was his and how to get there. Buzzing open the doors, she held her breath until the big troll-like human was gone. Then she wiped her forehead and greeted some new incomers.  
  
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Angeline Fowl peeped her head around the door to her son's hospital room. She gasped sharply as she took in all the machinery surrounding him. Artemis was covered in icepacks, breathing regulators, tubes, pumps, and all other kinds of beeping technology. She shuddered. She never did like hospitals, and she had been in many more than was probably good for her. First her husband, now her son? At least she was in full health.  
  
Artemis Sr. was just as depressed. This hospital room made him remember his own, and how desolate and isolated he had felt while there, regardless of all the visitors.  
  
Butler came in last, stooping to fit through the doorway. So this was a modern hospital room. He couldn't help but think about his past employers, and the various hospital rooms where they had died. He tried not to think about Artemis' death, and wished that he could do something.  
  
Artemis was sleeping, but only lightly, the doctor informed them. They had to wake him up at intervals, to keep him from falling into a coma. But as of yet, there was nothing more they could do. They had no doubt that he would, eventually, go into a coma, but they were trying their best to prevent it.  
  
"And we think he may be delerious. The things he says, both when awake and asleep, don't make sense. Mutterings about fairies and magical healing powers." The doctor chuckled slightly. "But move aside, please, we need to wake him up again."  
  
A nurse came in, and she assisted the doctor in sitting the patient up and patting his hand to make him stir. I could do that, thought Angeline, and after all, I am his mother.  
  
Momentarily the boy's eyes fluttered open. He twisted slightly, trying to arrange himself comfortably. His parents were at his side in a flash.  
  
"Artemis! Oh, Arty dear!" Angeline brushed some stray hairs off her son's face. "Oh, sweetie, talk to me! Say something!"  
  
Artemis looked around. "Where's Butler?" He rasped.  
  
Butler came on the opposite side of his the Fowls, and took his employer's hand. "Yes, Artemis?"  
  
Artemis' eyes widened, trying to express the importance of his words. "Go underground. Tell Holly. You need to tell Holly. Go to E1 and wait. Remember Holly? Captain Holly Short? LEP, Butler. LEP and Recon. The Bwa' Kell. The Neutrino Blasters. Remember, Butler, the kidnapping? Go and get Holly, Root, Foaly. Go tell them..." And his head slumped, sleeping again.  
  
The Fowls looked up incredulously at the doctor. The doctor shrugged. "I'm as baffled as you are. That's all we've managed to get out of him. Holly, kidnapping, fairy gold..." He shook his head in bewilderment. "I don't know what to tell you, other then prayers. We'll need to keep a close eye on him. My advice is to keep someone here at all times, at least in the waiting room. I don't know what we're waiting for, but wait."  
  
Angeline insisted on staying with "her (sniff) poor little (sob) Arty (wail)" first. Artemis Sr. and Butler walked out, trying very hard to not show any expression.  
  
Butler was very confused. Artemis' words were not the words of delerium- he knew delerium when he heard it, he'd seen it enough. But what was the meaning? Artemis would never talk in code in a time like this- so what was he playing at?  
  
He kept mulling it over as he walked out the double doors, nearly knocking over the little receptionist. Her mild squeak brought his attention down to her. He looked down at her. She was very short. Three foot six, tops.  
  
There was something gnawing at the back of his mind.  
  
Interesting hair style, too. Very creative, totally hid the ears. But when she shook her head indignantly to look up and scowl at him, he caught glimpse of a pointed ear.  
  
His head started to spin. Then, starting from the Spiro incident, it all came back.  
  
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Butler nearly bashed in his head on the car door, he was so excited. He broke nearly every speeding law in existence (starting with #1: Don't go more than 20 over the speed limit) as he "cruised" home.  
  
"Butler!" Angeline shrieked, clinging to her husband in desparate attempts to relieve her fright, "Aren't those mph signs provided to ensure public safety!?"  
  
"50 miles per hour is no kind of speed for real people!" Butler swerved as an oldsmobile came, to him, out of nowhere. "Hey, watch it!"  
  
The little old lady in the offending car loked positively terrified at the thought of getting on this scary guy's bad side.  
  
The Bentley screamed into the Fowl Manor garage as Butler pulled a tight corner, stomped on the breaks and jumped out of the car, clutching his sde and gasping as he pelted into the house.  
  
The parents of Artemis Fowl the Second where left to struggle out of the car, looking very windblown and confused.  
  
"I don't know what's gotten into him," Artemis Sr. looked at the rapidly disappearing figure in disbelief. "He's usually so under control."  
  
"Well, dear, he has been very attached to Arty- Arty-" Angeline stuttered, remembering her son's plight. "Oh, Timmy, what are we going to do?" She fell sobbing into her husband.  
  
Artemis Sr. snapped back to reality. That breathtaking carride had effectively wiped all thoughts other than his own survival out of his head. But now it all came back. He looked down to his wfe, patting her head.  
  
"I don't know. I just don't know."  
  
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	4. Holly is NOT having a good time!

Chapter 7  
Back to Holly  
  
Holly was at Tara. Well, in all honesty, she wasn't.  
  
She was just hovering, hovering over the place where she had been captured. She had already checked for humans. She had already looked everywhere. She had already stalled as much as she could, and now she had to do it.  
  
She took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. Keep breathing. Just keep breathing.  
  
She swooped down, landing at the roots of the oak. She grabbed an acorn nestled in its roots, and flew a short distance off to bury it.  
  
She made a little nest for it, stuck her hand in, and muttered the incantation.  
  
She watched the sparks come up her arm and collect at her big toe. It felt so good- what was that?  
  
Being careful to avoid stopping the Ritual, Holly looked around. There! a rustling in the trees!  
  
She gasped. It was a human!  
  
A tall, skinny Mud Man came into the clearing, wearing bellbuttums and a large dangling peace sign. He was holding a Mud Woman's hand, leading her in after him.  
  
Holly pulled the camo foil closer aroung her. This was going to get ugly.  
  
The Mud Man spoke. "This is it, baby." The girl giggled. That, thought Holly, did not sound entirely drug-free. "This place is like, magic, man!"  
  
Holly shuddered. She did not like where this was going. The guy had no shirt on, and the girl's hiphuggers were more like knee huggers. The less said about her shirt, the more descriptive. These were clearly hippies going on a ride that she did not want to witness.  
  
"There's like, fairies. They come here to chill. And like, soak up on their magic." The pair were nuzzling each other like nobodies business. Especially not Holly's. She wanted out of there. And if they saw the sparks, or caught a glimpse of her, it would be unlikely that they'd let it go.  
  
As the humans started getting more friendly, Holly started losing it. They knew about the People. The Mud Man had said it himself. He knew, he knew!  
  
She looked back over at them. "Feel then magic" was what their theme for the night seemed to be. They knew about the magic. She was selectively hearing now, not noticing the noises and other sounds coming with the phrases that a sane fairy would dismiss as crackheaded moanings in primitive mating time.  
  
She had to do something. if they knew about the people, they must know about the Fowls. What if Artemis had sent them? Had he overcome the mind wipe and would again cause problems for the people?  
  
Holly, Ritual complete, tore off the camo foil and ran over to the doped up hippies, pulling them apart and shaking the Mud Man. "What did he want? Tell him he has no right to demand more from our people!"  
  
Back in the Ops Booth, Foaly pulled up Holly's Cam screen to the mainscreen. One look told him all he needed to know.  
  
"Why, Holly, why?" He moaned as he intercommed the Commander. "You can't be doing this, Holly, no no no!"  
  
Root came in. "What is it, Foaly? and it had better be-" His face fell as he watched the screen. "Oh, d'arvit. This one will take some explaining."  
  
'Foaly, prepare three mindwipes. Be quick, now, Retreival 1 will have them back in record time."  
  
Foaly's face fell. "Three, commander? But there's only two humans involved- " He stopped, knowing the answer and not liking it at all.  
  
"Yes, Foaly, three. Don't make me spell it out for you. Three. And assemble the Retrieval Squad. D'arvit. but this one will be ugly."  
  
Foaly couldn't agree more. But as he got everything ready, he couldn't help but think to himself, Why? Why did she have to crack then?  
  
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The hippies had started running, and Holly started chasing. All reason had deserted her. And it didn't return until the Retrieval Squad pulled her away from the humans.  
  
They have her badge. Or at least her mind.  
  
She didn't know which was worse. Living without policing as she was born to do, or not knowing what had happened. She didn't want to find out. But she had a feeling that, whatever had happened, she would not have much of a choice.  
  
Two words were running through her mind at that moment.  
  
Aw, crap.  
  
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Holly was shaking in her boots at the thought of the mindwipe. Even though she knew Root has really fought upstream for her to keep her job, she knew that it would be best for all concerned if she was taken care of right now. Before she did anymore harm.  
  
The hippies were already being wiped. Then they would be drugged up a bit and put back to their location prior to meeting Holly. They wouldn't remember the little incident, even after just being there. Mind wipes cannot be thrown off until at least a month after occurence, so there was no danger of the wipe not taking.  
  
Holly was soon led into the chamber prepared for her mindwipe. She brushed away a couple tears and took a deep breath. This was it. The end of all her troubles. Was she happy? No. Not by a long shot.  
  
Root came into the room. She looked at him. Foaly came in. She watched him, too. They tried gallently to avoid her glare, but in the end, all came to nought.  
  
Foaly threw up his hands. "I'm sorry, Holly, but what do you expect, a medal? You can't expect us to not do something about you!"  
  
Root agreed, pitching his cigar into the incinerater and his two cents at her. "He's right, Holly, and the Councel has been all along. You need to get a handle on this, and since you can't, we will."  
  
Just picture manic laughter with that statement, and it's an almost humorous. But not quite, thought Holly, not quite.  
  
She was genuinely surprised at how calm she was. She knew what was going to happen. She had accepted it. Now please, let it happen before I have time to rethink this!  
  
"Um, commander, just out of curiosity, is there anyway to get out of this?"  
  
She got a wordless answer when Root's face changed from the customary rosy yellow color to a truly vibrant red with skill usually seen only in traffic lights. She watched him sputter and gasp for awhile, but then the irony of his traffic imitations no longer humored her and she turned to Foaly.  
  
"So, pony boy, how's this gonna work?"  
  
Foaly turned so she couldn't see his face.  
  
"Well, fundamentally, I'm going to hack into your brain and read the contents of its cells. Once that's done, I print copies of the funny and embarassing parts and then I- I delete the moments that involved Fowl and all the trouble you got into."  
  
Holly smiled. Foaly was vallently attempting to cheer them all up, and he got it pretty well accomplished. But then she thought back to some of the bits of Fowl's past that had been posted in the lounge room, and that humor left her, too.  
  
"Okay, now, if we could just get this over with?" Holly said, surprisingly in unison with the other two. They all exchanged looks, and sighed.  
  
"Now remember, pony boy, don't delete more than neccessary or else. And if I find any copies of my most embarrassing moments in the lounge, I'll kill you in the most human way known to fairy."  
  
Foaly didn't smile, just attached the electrodes to her head and strapped her arms and legs to the chair. Holly's heart pounded. This was it. It was really happening.  
  
It started with a gnawing pull at the back of the mind.....  
  
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	5. A Breakthrough!

Chapter 9  
The Plot Continues to Thicken  
  
Juliet had just finished her hair and makeup when the doorbell rang. She did not want to look in the mirror. Blondes under stress do not always look good.  
  
"I'm coming, I'm coming."She stood up and straightened her shirt. She buzzed on the intercom and the door cam.  
  
"Who is it?" she asked through the intercom. The video screen showed no one.  
  
A somewhat low and raspy voice responded. "Lower your camera. I'm kinda on the small side."  
  
Juliet vioced the command, and the camera zoomed lower. She gasped. Who the heck was THAT? Poor kid. Or really, poor kid's mother. That guy had a face like a pile of.... yeah. Not too pretty. He could at least have combed his beard. That thing looke positively alive with filth and probbly more than one bug.  
  
"And your name?"  
  
"Let me in, Mud Whelp. I gotta talk to Artemis. The second, not senior. Let me in, before I let myself in!"  
  
There was something familiar about this funny little short man, and it bugged Juliet that she didn't remember him. Or at least know who he was.  
  
"Um, yeah, about Artemis. He's not really home right about now."  
  
"Why? Where can I find him?"  
  
"Check out the hospital in London. He's really sick, and I don't think he can take visitors." Juliet blew her nose. It was a sad thing, after all. She could hardly think straight, let alone his poor mother.  
  
"Yeah, well, I'll do that. But if he comes home before then, tell him Mulch Diggums dropped in to say hi."  
  
Juliet gasped. She flew down the stairs and tore open the door.  
  
Mulch was the first one to comment, and he decided to start with her looks.  
  
"What'd you do, get dressed in the dark? And the makeup, the hair-"  
  
He didn't get much farther before Juliet decked him. She pulled him inside and slammed the door. She threw him on a hardwood chair and stood menacingly in front of him.  
  
You don't insult moody adolscent teens who happen to be in mourning, and therefor cannot manage simple tasks such as makeup and hair. Juliet did not want to hear about the hair sticking out of her braid, or the makeup all over her head. or the clothes that looked suspiciously like they were pajamas. It just wasn't done.  
  
"Talk." She growled at him. "Just talk."  
  
=============================  
  
At this point I would just make a new chapter, but that would be very mean and short. Plus I owe you guys a longer chapter. Since the last one wasn't. :-D  
  
=============================  
  
Butler burst into Fowl Manor. He had to get on the LEP website. Now. He would contact Foaly and--- What in the name of all that could be worshiped was this?  
  
The scene he met upon entering the kitchen was this:  
  
Juliet was glowering at a large, hairy and unsightly lump that had seated itself at the table and proceded to wolf down all the questionable leftovers, more recent leftovers, leftovers from this week, leftovers from yesterday, and the leftovers that would have been today's if they had been given the chance.  
  
Butler was not pleased. Oh, sure, he remembered Mulch Diggums just fine now, but he didn't have to let the kleptomaniac and highly gastrous dwarf know that.  
  
In one perfectly coordinated motion he pulled Mulch out of his seat by the scruff of the neck and raised his gun. Though it looked simple, it took Butler's breath away, and so did the smell of the dwarf himself. This gave Mulch time to get a word in, before Butler could start with his "what are you doing in my house" rutine.  
  
"My, my, my, but aren't you looking young and active as ever!" Mulch pinched Butler's cheek and said, "What a plump young face you have! Why, you must be so grateful to the one who gave you that luscious facial texture!"  
  
That was still a sore spot with Butler. He blinked, then remembered his planned speech.  
  
"Who are you, and what are you doing in my house eating my food?" He roared, and then clutched at his left rib.  
  
Mulch eased out of the bodygaurd's grip. "Surely you're memory's not that bad, Butler old chum."  
  
"You know, you're right," Butler agreed. "No one forgets that smell."  
  
Mulch wrinkled his nose. "You people have no respect for other cultures."  
  
"No, I assure you that it's just you we have a problem with."  
  
"Ahh, good. Don't want to-" Mulch's eyes widened as he acknwledged the jibe. "I resent that!"  
  
"Right." Juliet rolled her eyes. "That was slow. You've been capable of better."  
  
Mulch gave them all a big grin and then sobered up. "So what is this I hear about Artemis? He in the hospital for jollies or is he really ill?"  
  
Butler's and Juliet's grins dried up too. Butler answered. "Not jollies, Mulch. He's got more sicknesses than stinkworms have ears."  
  
"Oh, really?"  
  
"Mmhm. Not good. The high fever and migraines and whatever else he's got are aparently threatening to send him into a coma."  
  
"You don't say."  
  
"I'm not kidding, dwarf. I dont know what kind of mental breakdown he went through, but he remembered the people and their healing skills. He kept talking about the fairies, and told me to get Holly and bring her to heal him. Or at least let her know so someone would."  
  
"Very interesting."  
  
"You're not helping things."  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Well then, I guess the next step is to get me to the Haven to get Holly."  
  
"Inevitably."  
  
"Quite. You got any ideas?"  
  
"You do look something like a troll, you know. We could probably manage to make you look a convincing female troll." Mulch suggested. Seeing the look Butler gave him, he rolled his eyes and shrugged. "Well, you're not big enough to be a male, and the young are kept in caves until they;re fully grown!"  
  
Butler looked to the heavens. Dear Heavenly Power, please help me through this.  
  
"Ok, Mulch, whatcha got?"  
  
Juliet looked from one to the other, and hurridly ran to look up shuttle port times and places. She'd go, she was sure. But she'd need a disguise. Pulling up the LEP website, she glanced at the headline- "Banshee Band Tours Bermuda." Banshees. Human size, all she'd need would be hair color and clothes. Should be easy enough.  
  
She printed off shuttle times, etc. and ran down to show Butler. Then she went outside to comfort the elder Fowls and flag down a taxi for them. After sending them to the hospital, she ran back inside and wiped away a tear. They were heartbroken. It really was so sad. But all the more reason to get to Haven all the quicker, right?  
  
Right, she told herself as she went through Angeline Fowl's closet in search of Bansee garb. Right.  
  
===============================================  
  
Opal Koboi was a very mad pixie. Not to say mad as in insane mad, but more like angered. Or at least to her mind, which was not to be relied on in the best of times, or at least lately.  
  
"Why, why, why!" She shreiked, hurling herself at the wall with a rather loud noise best described as "Splat." Peeling the now squashed sandwich off her filthy dress, best described as burlap, she spat in disgust. "It's not fair, it's really not fair!" She sobbed loudy, then looked to her left and right. Then she raised her eyes to the ceiling and wailed.  
  
"Cudgeon!" She moaned. "Why have you forsaken me here?" She flung herself on the bed, momentarily forgetting that Cudgeon had been killed by her.  
  
She sat blt upright. "I hate him! I hate him I hate him I haaaaate hiiiiiiiiiiiiimmmm!" She pummeled her pillow harshly, apparently under the delusion that it was her late partner in crime. If it had been, the shapeless heavy lump of former Acting Commander would now be a pile of ripped and shreded burlap and stiff stuffing.  
  
She let out a long, wordless shriek and plowed herself into the small chair provided for prisoners to write letters to home. Home from Howler's Peak. How a mother must feel when she read that return address.  
  
But Opal wasn't thinking of her mother now. She was thinking of her father. She filled up with remorse and fell out crying. "Daddy! Daddy, help me! I'm so sorry, Daddy! Daddyyyyyyy! Daddy, help me! Save me, Daddy, I love yoooouuuuuuu!"  
  
She snapped upright again, thinking of all the times he had scolded her and took back all she had just said. Why was she crying over Daddy? She didn't need him. This would never do.  
  
She stood up and walked calmly over to the cell's bathroom to wash her face in the sink. Her sanity remained until she turned on the faucet. Then she remembered how her mother used to wash her in the sink, and she tried desparately to turn off the water through. But her tearsgot in the way, and she gradually realized that she was twisting the wrong way. The water had stopped flowing, though.  
  
She kept twisting the handle the same way. This was sooo fun! Turney, turney, turney! Wheeee- huh?  
  
The handle had come off. And where it had been, there was a red button. Which sparked her curiousity. She couldn't resist. She pushed it. As she fell through the trapdoor the button had opened, she couldn't help wondering how that little contraption had gotten there.  
  
Had she had a sane enough mind, she would have remembered that her henchman R'hal had made it for her. He was a foreign cellkeeper who was not at all above a bribe, and when she was in one of her sane moments she had bargained with him.  
  
He had agreed to chew a tunnel from a trapdoor that he also made from her design, to the surface of Disneyland Paris. R'hal was one very smart dwarf, though, and even though he couldn't design the trapdoor (Koboi had when she could think later) he could strike a bargain like no other, and the deal was made that in exchange for his tunnelling services, she would take him along with her, and once she was back in business, pay him well.  
  
But, unfortunately for him, Koboi was in no mood for remembering promises. Especially when they had been made in a semi-conscious mind. Even if she could have remembered her promise, she would not have remembered who it was to. Probably.  
  
She crawled along the tunnel, wallowing in the muck and glorying in it at turns. She had no idea of what was going on above her, or what would, at any rate, in forty five minutes to and hour. And if she had known, she wouldn't have liked it.  
  
==============================================================  
  
"Prisoner 19b67949g12c6-" Cellkeeper Byrd burst into the lounge and took a deep breath. "-496y123547hfg8t76ry-"  
  
"Get on with it!" Cellmaster Gurns barked at the young officer. "We know the ID number is too long, just get on with it and give us the name!"  
  
"Very well, Billy," Byrd responded, miffed that he was being cut off. It had taken him months to memorize all the prisoners' ID's, and the Cellmaster had interrupted him half way. The impudence. "Opal Koboi has escaped!"  
  
Gurns let the use of his first name "Billy" slide as he bolted upright. "What! Impossible!"  
  
"Check the tapes, sir, but I just went down to bring the food to her and there was no one there!"  
  
"Did you check the bathroom?"  
  
"Not a sign of her."  
  
"Ceilings?" The last time they had thought she had run away, it turned out she was pretending to be Spiderman and had managed to work herself up to the ceiling, and had clung there for days. It hadn't been until about a week later, when they had brought a new prisoner in, that she was found. Apparently she had dropped down on the new occupant while he slept, and had to be dragged forcibly off him. How do you explain to a goblin that the pint-sizd pixie hanging off his arm by the teeth didn't mean it?  
  
"Nope. Not a trace."  
  
Cellmaster Gurns swore. This was not supposed to happen on his shift!  
  
The rest of the cellkeepers gathered 'round the two. The suggestion was soon made that they should indeed go veiw the tapes. Off they went to the video room, only to find R'hal finish typing something and stand up.  
  
"Problem, gentlemen?"  
  
Gurns responded sharply, in his usual gangsta tones. "Yeah, actually, there is. Koboi's escaped. We wanna veiw the pictures. So move aside."  
  
"Yessir."  
  
The cellkeepers clustred around the screen as Gurns pulled up the tape. They watched as the prisoner stood up from the bed, walked over to the door, opened it, and walked away.  
  
"She knew it was unlocked?" Asked one cellkeeper.  
  
"But how'd she open it? The room is rubber!" exclaimed another.  
  
"Either way, she's out," stated a third.  
  
"That can not be excellent." #1 remarked.  
  
"Hardly fabulous," #2 chimed in.  
  
"Barely wonderful," #3 agreed.  
  
"And while certainly remarkable-" #1 began,  
  
"It definately-" #2 added,  
  
"Could not be-" #3 contributed,  
  
"GOOD." They all ended in unison.  
  
Gurns looked at the triplets in reluctant awe. "Bravo, boys. As you were."  
  
The boys beamed at the thought of appreciation.  
  
R'hal rolled his eyes at the others, and turned to his own inward thoughts. Why did she leave when she did? How could she had forgotten?  
  
One thing was certain, though. He wasn't about to leave it alone. He stalked out the door under the pretense that he was ill and needed to go home.  
  
Then he went to the now empty cell. He knew he would not be sen on the footage of the room, he had the cameras rigged now. And the bathroom, out of respect of the one feminine resident, had no camera.  
  
He pulled off the handle to the cold water on the sink. Pressing the button, he muttered,  
  
"Opal Koboi, I believe you owe me something."  
  
And with that, he disappeared down the tunnel.  
  
========================================== 


	6. Not fun for our heroes

"Mulch Diggums," Growled a large and particularly menacing female troll, "Once we pull this off, you will die."  
  
The unrepentant dwarf shrugged at the once formidable bodyguard, and replied with a hurt, "Hey, you asked for it. You wanted an in to the Haven, and I did my best. You should be giving me academy awards for the makeup job."  
  
Through layers of sticky latex, paint, outlandish ears and more than a few boxes of hair and warts, Butler managed to control himself. "And yet, for some reason, I'm not showering you with praise."  
  
"You're just going through a phase."  
  
"Yeah, a big hairy phase that may include anger. And when I'm mad, I tend to hurt things."  
  
Mulch grinned. "Good! Use that anger! Bottle it up and pour it out in the shuttle port. But remember, no breaking things that look really expensive. We'll be footing the bill for all the damage you cause, keep that in mind."  
  
"I was thinking more along the lines of breaking you."  
  
"Now now now, keep your anger controlled. Place it in the imaginary ziplock bag. and put in in your big, hairy pocket."  
  
"I don't have pockets."  
  
"Work with me here, work with me."  
  
"I did, and now I'm in a skintight latex contraption and loin cloth with lots of hair and warts and a head mask with outlandish ears while my Principal is lying miles away on his potential deathbed while we waste time arguing."  
  
"Somebody needs a hug."  
  
You could almost see the steam billowing under Butler's glued on, latex collar decorated with dirt and more mold than would probably pass health inspection. Butler was thinking about letting his hands hug Mulch's neck very, very seriously.  
  
Fortunatly, however, Juliet walked in, momentarily distracting the boys from their quarreling.  
  
Mulch nodded his approval. "Banshee is a good look for you."  
  
Juliet grinned. "Thanks." She rotated slowly, letting them get the full measure of her outfit. "But look what I have for you." She held up a truly heinous outfit that was fit to gag a maggot. So to speak.  
  
It was enough to flabbergast a dwarf. "What is that thing?"  
  
Juliet's grin widened. "Well, I noticed that one of us didn't have a dress- up outfit, and it was hardly fair that me and Butler have so much fun with ours and you not be able to. So, I did a little research. Apparently you're just the right size to be a baby troll."  
  
"No. No! I don't need a costume. I'm a native!"  
  
"Exactly. And who's the head of the LEP Most Wanted List? Check the website. It happens to be Mulch Diggums, first, third, fourth, and fifth. An ugly goblin general is second, or you'd have all of them. Just because you had a good lawyer to get you out of prison does not mean that you're forgiven. Point is, you won't get through customs without a disguise. So, here it is."  
  
"I refuse!"  
  
"Too bad."  
  
"Don't I get any say in this?"  
  
Butler's hairy and warty hand somehow found it's way onto Mulch's shoulder. "Of course you do. Tell you what. You say as much as you want, and we'll pay as much attention as we want."  
  
Mulch gulped. This would be an interesting trip to the Haven. To say the very, very least.  
  
Since I have nothing else to do, I'll make it a very long chapter.  
  
Holly poured herself a glass of orange juice. Oranges were a treat underground. They were only available when the Farmers Guild got the budget approved for expensive lights needed to grow the fruit. And this was the first year in decades that the budget had been passed. And Holly took every advantage of it. Orange juice, orangade, creamsicles, and every other kind of orange product found its way into her fridge.  
  
And then there was the fruit itself, which she had placed in numerous fruit bowls around her apartment. All under a preserving spell, of course. She only ate about three a day. One with dinner. One with lunch. One for breakfast on the run. Which was what she was having now.  
  
She downed the small glass of orange juice at a gulp and, grabbing an orange out of the nearest dish, headed for the door. She loved oranges for breakfast. Beat having kiwis everyday. They required much less peeling, and as she looked at the scar around her pointer finger, she thought that was a very good thing. Those pearing knives were sharp, and had certainly done their damage. Almost lost her trigger finger on that knife.  
  
She ran into work, spitting out orange seeds into the nearest trash receptacle. Late again. Root would have her head. And then her badge. Not necessarily in that order, she thought, allowing herself a smile.  
  
Trouble Kelp passed her in the hall. "Hey, Short. Root wants you to report for a physical at 9:30. No excuses." He grinned. "You're long overdue, apparently. Though why anyone's ever needed a physical before is beyond me."  
  
"Thanks," Holly grinned back. "He probably wants to make sure I didn't break anything on the way in again."  
  
They shared a chuckle, then she made a beeline for the nurse's office.  
  
Trouble watched her go. Wow. That mindwipe really did its job. She wasn't herself. The whole obsession with oranges- sure, he liked them, all fairies did, but she had them every day. All the time. A common symptom of a mindwipe, oranges. And clumsiness. She had no where near the grace and agility she usually had. That always happened after being wiped, he knew, and she'd be back to normal in a couple days, she was already a lot better than she was three days ago, but it was really weird, watching the best in the LEP trip and fall, breaking her kneecap on the way to work. At least she had all her magic, and it was easy enough to heal, but still. It was unnerving.  
  
Holly ran into the nurse's office, checked in, and was led into the Examination Room by a tall, neurotic looking nurse. She stumbled a little on the threshold, nearly giving the nurse a heart attack, but other than that she was fine.  
  
By the end of the checkup, she was told she was in perfect health, just a little uncoordinated, and if she broke anything else to report back immediately. With that, she left, wondering if that diagnosis differed at all from the one she had suggested while on the examination table.  
  
Heading to the Commander's office, she grinned to herself again. She wouldn't have a heavy workload today. Root had made a point of giving her the easier jobs, as to give her time to get over whatever clumsy spell she was in.  
  
She burst into Root's office and stood at the ready, waiting for instructions. Not surprisingly, they came.  
  
"Holly. Captain Short. Today you are on-" He scanned the list with a finger and stopped at the point she supposed was her name. "Shuttleports. Disneyland Paris' entrance. You're on security backup. if anything gets out of control, you're in the squad that gets it back in control."  
  
"Understood."  
  
"Off you go then." Root watched her leave. They were all behaving strangely. Holly- well, that was only natural, she'd just had a mindwipe. Clumsiness was to be expected. They once mindwiped another elf- Pegreen, or something to that effect- and he had been clumsy for weeks. She'd get over it.  
  
He sighed, contentedly lighting a huge black fungus cigar. Nothing wrong this morning. What a wonderful feeling. Which only invited something bad to happen the next day.  
  
============================================================================ ======  
  
Artemis Sr. and Angeline staggered into the waiting room, crying.  
  
"Why did he have to get sick, Timmy?" Angeline wailed. "Why? He's so young... so young..."  
  
"I know, darling, I know. It isn't fair." Artemis Sr. wondered at the circumstance's irony. He had pressured his son to turn honest- and was doing so killing the boy?  
  
They were led into the room Artemis was in. The doctor looked at them, and shugged. "He's still talking gibberish. I didn't tell him anything, just let him talk. You may have better luck, though." As he went for the door, he added, "I honestly don't know what to tell you. I'd say he'll get better, but I don't know. And I don't know if I'd believe that there is no risk of a coma. But I'll leave you to him, now."  
  
He left. Angeline sat down in the chair by his bed.  
  
"Arty? Arty, dear, It's me. Your mother, dear. Can you hear me?"  
  
Artemis turned his head toward her, and opened blurry eyes. "Mother?"  
  
"Yes, dear. And Father too."  
  
"Daddy? And Butler?"  
  
"Butler is at home, son," Artemis Sr. chimed in. "Are you feeling better?"  
  
"Is- is Butler getting Holly?"  
  
Angeline looked up at her husband, not knowing what to say. Artemis Sr. spoke up.  
  
"Yes, he went home in a terrible rush to get her."  
  
"He'll get her."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"And then she'll heal me, and we'll be fine."  
  
"Of course, son."  
  
"I feel better now."  
  
"Good. Try and sleep a little, now."  
  
"Father-" Artemis slurred, trying to articulate, "I- in Helsinki- It was the Mafiya- and in Murmansk-" He couldn't get it out. "I tried, Daddy, I had no choice."  
  
"I- I understand, son." It was better to set his son's mind at ease. Who knew what the poor boy was talking about, but it was better this way.  
  
"I couldn't tell you- I hadn't known, I'm sorry, I'm sorry... I tried, Daddy, I tried." There were tears running down his cheeks.  
  
Angeline felt tears pouring down her face. She looked up, and there was a wet trail over Timmy's cheeks as well. What ever had just happened, it meant a lot to all three of them.  
  
================================================================ 


	7. Holly CracksWith Crackheads

Chapter 13  
  
Krazy Koboi  
  
Opal Koboi giggled like a loon as she crawled through the muck of the tunnel. Loon. She liked that word. Loony, loony, loony. She giggled more. High pitched. Now low pitched. Mix it up, and repeat. Hee hee, this was fun!  
  
Opal's mad giggling had several benefits.  
  
First of all, it let R'hal know where she was, and that she was following the right track. He was no fool, he had made several detour paths. His figuring was, if she tried to go it alone, she'd get lost and he'd be able to find her at some point. He had not, however, thought that she was crazy enough to take the correct paths just because they looked weird. That, in a nutshell, was her plan. Take the most desolate paths, wind up in a desolate location.  
  
That nutshell happened to be her head. Unfortunate, but true.  
  
Second, the giggling kept her busy and she stayed occupied for lengths of time. If it hadn't so enthralled her, she may have given up and R'hal would catch up to her. And dwarves in rages, as he was, tend to crunch things in their molars. Not pleasant.  
  
So, it was a good thing that things stayed the way they were. For the time being.  
  
Root nearly exploded. First the neandathol [A/N: I hope you can figure that word through my minced spelling] Mud Men, now their potentially most dangerous criminal escaped and on the run.  
  
Where was Lady Luck when you needed her? She certainly wasn't up for much these days. He called up Foaly again.  
  
The Howler's Peak officers thought they had the only cameras in the cells. They thought wrong. As the police, Foaly thought the LEP was entitled to their own surveilance gadgets. And he wasn't as polite as them when it came to putting them in bathrooms, though he angled them to face away from the toilets and showers, so they were pretty much showing up the doors and sinks.  
  
"Foaly! Gimme the footage from Howler's Peaker, Cell #1 in the max security unit ON THE DOUBLE!"  
  
"Well if it isn't my favorite beet-complexioned commander."  
  
"No, it isn't. Gimme the tapes."  
  
"Touche, touche. Someone's got a bad case of the gimme's"  
  
"Where are the-" He was, again, cut off by the somewhat unexpected arrival of the required footage.  
  
Foaly really was asking for trouble. "Foaly, this is the film from LAST MONTH!"  
  
Foaly put on a hurt face. "Well, sir, you never specified the date or time- "  
  
"You know what I meant, Foaly. Now, put in the tape. for today, starting in the morning."  
  
"Yessir, Mr. Julius, sir."  
  
"Shuttup and give me-" The video started up on the moniter. Opal was moping on her cot. "Thank you. Now, fast forward about three hours."  
  
The centuar obediently did so. You don't get thank-yous everyday in this business.  
  
"Two more." The film flashed in front of him, and the commander saw something. "Hold it! Wait, wait! Rewind, very slowly." The pixie had been flying all over the room in a fury, then got up and walked sedately to the bathroom. "Give me the bathroom cam starting at that moment."  
  
The bathroom door opened, and Koboi walked in, turned on the water in the sink, and kept turning the handle until it fell off in her hand, and there was a big red button there. She pressed it. A trap door opened underneath her, she crawled through, and soon vanished out of the camera's sight line.  
  
"Foaly, did you see that?"  
  
"Sure did. It would appear she has an accomplice who she bribed into making the escape trapdoor. Very good mechanics. She must've designed them herself when she was still sane."  
  
"What I want to know is, why didn't the Howler's Peak guys catch this?"  
  
"My guess is that her accomplice rigged the tapes for the cameras he knew about, and they were only seeing those. My tapes could not have been rigged. Once again, you should be thanking me."  
  
"You're not fired."  
  
"You're welcome."  
  
"So, what else- hold it, there's something." A dwarf in guard uniform strode into the bathroom. He saw the trapdoor, snarled, and climbed in himself, after replacing the sink handle and, once inside the tunnel, the trap door itself. "Her accomplice."  
  
"You bet."  
  
"Well, who can we put on this job?"  
  
"One detail I forgot to mention. I ran ground scans on the the Peak, and it would appear that the tunneled escape route leads to Fowl Manor. Simplifies things a bit, don't you think?"  
  
"Well, I don't see why Holly can't get on this case, do you?"  
  
"Not a tad. Her clumsiness is done, I think. She certainly seemed pretty agile at the shuttleport, and she hasn't had an orange yet today. And even so, she's the only one with the standing invite, so it wouldn't matter even if she wasn't okay."  
  
"Send her in, then. This case will suit her fine."  
  
"Will do, Julius."  
  
"Good. And since whe have we been on a first name basis? I've warned you about that, Foaly."  
  
"You call me Foaly."  
  
"Well, you're an inferior. Get her in here, now if not-" Holly walked in. "- sooner."  
  
Holly grinned. "You wanted to see me, Commander?"  
  
"Captain. Opal Koboi has escaped from Howler's Peak. You'll have to ask Foaly for the footage of her escape, go to the location she'll be at a certain time, and recapture her. Now, go watch the tapes, gear up, and move out. You've got time. If you've got any questions, ask Foaly. He gives you lip, smack him. Hard. Even if he doesn't, smack him for me."  
  
Holly suppressed a smile. "Yessir. On my way, sir."  
  
============================================================================ =====  
  
Butler drove up to the hospital, letting Juliet and the two fairies out.  
  
While he parked, they went in and Trouble, apon seeing the fairy receptionist, fell into deep conversation that Juliet presumed to be in some fairy language.  
  
That had been the part of their shuttleport adventure that had worried her the most. She and Butler only knew English and other human languages, and knew that fairies usually spoke in gnomish. They could only read the symbols. But Mulch had said that if she claimed to have been born aboveground, to a family that had lived there for long enough, she could get away with only knowing aboveground tongues. It had worked, too, and she supposed that the underground had known a lot of things like that to happen.  
  
When Butler came back in, Trouble wrapped up their conversation and turned to Juliet.  
  
"Old girlfriend?" Mulch teased, grinning.  
  
"Yes, actually. Training Academy, first year. But she had news on Artemis." Trouble looked at Mulch, who turned a rosy shade of pink as the receptionist also glared at him.  
  
"Go on."  
  
"Well, Artemis has regained his memory, and is doing slightly better. Sleeping a lot better. And so, since there is still risk of coma, I'd better get in there fast."  
  
Butler nodded. As they all started to troop into the hospital corridor, he leaned over the receptionist's desk and whispered his gratitude, and to please excuse the dwarf, he was still acting like a troll baby. The elf nodded and grinned back. Word from the shuttleport had reached her already.  
  
When they walked into Artemis' room, Artemis could not quite believe his eyes. There was a mutant troll baby, a Juliet who looked like she had gone goth, and Butler's head on what he hoped was not a permanent body. And then an elf, who he did not think looked like Holly, even on a good day.  
  
Needless to say, he passed out.  
  
Angeline and Artemis Sr. stood up and stared at them. And stared. And stared a bit more, before leaving the room. Some things were better off not knowing.  
  
Trouble set right to work. He put his hands on Artemis' temples, and muttered, "Heal."  
  
Blue sparks sank straight down into the boy's head, illuminating his head and making it glow. Though it was undoubtably humorous, no one could even smile.  
  
Gradually the sparks spread over more of Artemis' frame. His head still glowed blue, but now more of him did. Still, no one smiled.  
  
Artemis' body began to shake and hurl itself around, and it was all Trouble could do to hold him down. Artemis thrashed and screeched, and Butler wondered why no doctors were running in to check on the screaming. He figured the receptionist had something to do with it.  
  
As the crashing died down, Artemis slowly stopped moving. He opened his eyes. Everyone in the room smiled. It had worked!  
  
"Holly?"  
  
Trouble stood up. "Nope, she wasn't available. Captain Trouble Kelp, and now I have to record you swearing that you will not have anything further to do with the people."  
  
Artemis looked down at his hands, then back up. "Very well. I suppose it is only-" He was cut off by Trouble's waistband ringing. Trouble pulled a small handset from his belt, and answered with, "Captain Trouble Kelp.  
  
"Captain Kelp. Do not get Artemis' oath yet. We need him. Put me on speaker. You all need to hear this."  
  
"You are, sir."  
  
"Good. Now, you are all forbidden to come back to the Haven or anywhere underground."  
  
Trouble gasped. "But- Commander-"  
  
"Not permanantly, Kelp, just until further notice. Now, Opal Koboi has escaped Howler's Peak, and is at large. Captain Short has pinpointed her location to be in Fowl Manor as of tommorow morning or later today."  
  
Artemis blanched. "You're kidding."  
  
"Not at all. Well, apparently her accomplice, a dwarf named R'hal, tunneled a way out for her. At a price, I'm sure, but he led the tunnel to a place that had already been broken into, and he knew that the place was rich. He doesn't know that it's Fowl Manor, and is thinking that it'll be easy wealth."  
  
"R'hal?" Mulch perked up. "I know him."  
  
"Why am I not surprised. You criminal dwarves stick together."  
  
"Not at all. He's a relative, not that I'm bragging. We were on the Koboi building project together. He's a bit of an odd bird, y'see. He's no kind of friend- stabs you in the back,literally. With whatever happens to be closest to hand."  
  
"Imagine, someone trying to kill you."  
  
Mulch shugged. "He wasn't a nice guy. Nice guys don't try to decapitate you with blunt objects, in my book."  
  
"Well, that at least lets us know what we're up against."  
  
"You have no idea. There was supposed to be another dwarf on the project, and he scared him away. Presumably with force, but I'm not supposed to know that. He tried to get me off it, too, so he wouldn't have to share the pay, but our supervisor wised up and told him off. I'd have been better off without the job. He's a creep."  
  
"What was he doing trying to get Koboi free?"  
  
"My guess? I'd say since she was the brains of a huge scheme that failed only because of an incompetant partner. The deal must've been that he come along, and they share whatever wealth they encounter. A good deal for him, if she had remembered. But as she didn't, he's probably really mad. Am I right?"  
  
"He certainly followed her with an unpleasant expression."  
  
"So he did follow her. I'm not surprised. I'm prepared to bet that when he catches up to her, there won't be much left but a mark on the floor."  
  
"That could have several translations."  
  
Mulch shrugged again. "Dice it up any way you want. But the R'hal I know would not let her live for long if he wasn't happy with her."  
  
"Ok, well, now we know something about her pursuer. What were you saying, Root?" Butler intervened. They could discuss the mind of angry dwarves for hours, but it wouldn't get anything done.  
  
Root blinked. What had they been discussing, anyway? Cursed fungal cigars.  
  
Trouble saw the commander's train of thought run off a cliff and came to his rescue, with "And so, since they will be ending up in Fowl Manor, some sort of action must be taken."  
  
Root blinked again, then shook his head and snapped back into reality. "Yes, yes, of course. Well, Holly is already flying to the Manor, but since she doesn't remember you and will not be able to remember you for at least two months, don't treat her like you know her. She doesn't need any more stress."  
  
Butler, Juliet and Artemis nodded and replied at the same time. "Understood."  
  
Artemis closed his eyes in thought. How did this happen? He had gotten sick out of the blue, some kind of feverish dreams had broken into the blocked off portion of his brain. Then he tried to tell his parents he saved his father and confess to actually shooting him... what was wrong with him? Butler and Mulch were dressed like they were impersonating trolls, for the love of Frond, and Butler looked like a female. Scary, but what had Juliet done to her hair? She was either trying to go gothic or Halloween early. But she had dyed her hair. Bright red, how... tacky. There was obviously a story behind this. And then there was that Holly had been mindwiped.  
  
What had happened to his world?  
  
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Review, please! Sorry, I just realized that my last chapter had a couple errors- there should have been a dividing line between the Root and Koboi part. Sorry! I hope this one works better! I put the lines in, but apparently some unseen force is acting against me... Why won't this tinfoil hat work once in a while? Review review review!  
  
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Ok, since i am trying to really work on chapter length, I'm not even gonna bother with answering reviews and scip ahead to the next chapter. The chapter I had right to this point was 4 pages, which isn't too outrageously bad, but I'll add the next. Happy reading! And remember to review!  
  
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Holly set the acceleration thrusters into really, really fast as she soared through the great blue sky.  
  
Ok, Holly needed to unwind a bit. It struck her as odd that she would feel so stressed after having such an easy time at work, but there you had it. Not every thing was easy. But the wierdest thing to happen was undoubtably that someone had attempted to kidnap her.  
  
Kidnapping. The idea made her laugh. There had only been one successful kidnapping in the history of the people, and the fairy had been mindwiped because of a severe case of Stockholm Syndrome. Sad, she supposed, but the fairy should never have been off guard. She snorted. What kind of officer would be careless enough to get kidnapped, then be unhappy about her captors' deaths? Not any self respecting fairy she knew of, that was for sure.  
  
She set her wings on autopilot, to a certain "Fowl Manor" place. She snorted again. Fowl Manor. What did they have there, chickens?  
  
She stopped thinking and watched the scenery. Irish countryside was the most breathtaking, no doubt about it. She closed her eyes, thinking again.  
  
She knew this Opal Koboi, she was the only other prominent female fairy in history. But that was their only similarity. Opal was a pixie, prone to losing control, and needing a male to share her plans. She gave herself a little smile. Holly bet she never did a thing that did not involve a masculine power. She had only gotten her technology status if she wasn't proving her father wrong, never would have controlled the Haven if Cudgeon hadn't gotten them that far.  
  
Holly wondered how the pixie had gotten out in the first place. No doubt she had bribed some male officer. Whoever would fall for the promises of a mad pixie needed professional help. And if he was already getting it, he needed to stop seeing the quacks like Argon and Cumulous.  
  
A series of beeps brought her back to the current world. When she opened her eyes, she saw a huge stone manor. By the looks of the sign in front of the fence surrounding it, she would guess it was Fowl Manor. Hardly a place for chickens.  
  
She clicked off autopilot and scooped low, grazing a horrendously ugly gargoyle on the way. She grimiced in distaste. Any chickens here would be most likely deformed.  
  
She shook her mind clear of chickens and thought back to what Root had told her. They had already procured the invitation, but she should still go shielded, as not all the family would take kindly to her being there.  
  
She landed, trying not to inspect the gargoyle in her immediate vicinity, choosing instead to flip down her visor, veiw a blueprint of the manor and pinpoint where Koboi was most likely to surface.  
  
Another liberty Foaly took with Howler's Peak top security was that he had each prisoner microchipped, so, on the off chance that they did escape, they could be traced. Holly saw the blue flashing dot in the corner of the manor, turned the blueprint to vertical, and saw that Opal was going to come through in the wine cellar.  
  
She zoomed through the actual house in her helmet visor. She saw that she would have to sneak through the deliveries door, to the nearest cellar door which was probably in the kitchen.  
  
She landed, kept the shield on, and crept through the back door labeled, "Deliveries". She found herself in the kitchen, or so she gathered from the various kitchen appliances that seemed to be too clean and expensive to be used. She saw a door right next to the refrigerator. Opening it, she decided that it was most definitely not the cellar. It was could hardly be called a pantry, it was that huge. More like an uncooked buffet hall. She could barely even see the end of the thing.  
  
Hurridly shutting that door, she looked around for another one. The only other doors, upon later inspection, led to the hall and dining room. She sighed. The only other place a cellar door might logically be would be the pantry, so she explored there next. Walking past mounds of fish roe, caviar, pastrias and other rare Mud delacacies, she finally met the end of the room, and there was the door, which she soon discovered to be the cellar door. Pulling on the light, she walked down the stairs and waited.  
  
She hadn't waited long before the door opened again.  
  
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Artemis and his company were heading toward Fowl Manor, and, since Butler did not feel like risking their necks on this ride, Mulch did it for him.  
  
Mulch had lots of fun squealing down the country road that was not much dirt by the time he was done. Only the heaviest sediment and largest potholes passed the front wheels, so it stood to reasoning that the passengers in the backseat were very bruised by the end, and the poor soul riding shotgun was sure wishing for such an item. [A/N: If that was too corny for you, the "item" would be a shotgun. Haha]  
  
"Why do you always end up driving?" Juliet moaned.  
  
"You mean this isn't the first time you've let him 'drive'?" Trouble croaked. "How thick do you come?"  
  
Artemis raised an eyebrow. "It seemed to me you would be more qualified, by since you made no offer, I took it you enjoyed his driving."  
  
Trouble shook his head, turning slightly green with motion sickness. "He drove me once before. Just once. And I was guessing that you knew about his disregard for safety and enjoyed it."  
  
Butler said nothing, but the look on his face explained quite a lot. Think murderous, ill, uncomfortable, very green. Then place that head on a female troll's body. You'll understand Butler's day and forgive his mood.  
  
Juliet reemerged from the bushes with a sour expression on her face. "I still can't believe we let him drive."  
  
Trouble nodded at her this time. "I think it's more than slightly dangerous to public health. That got him on at least three of the LEP Most Dangerous Lists."  
  
"I believe it."  
  
"At least we're here in good time." Artemis intervened. "And I would suggest -and invite our new friend Trouble Kelp- we head down to the wine cellar."  
  
There was scattered agreement, and they all went in the mansion. Artemis unlocked the door, leading them all inside.  
  
Trouble looked up. Turning slightly green again, he quickly looked back down. The last time he had been here, he had thrown up all over the entry hall he was about to be allowed into. He tottered on the threshold for a moment, then took a deep breath and walked in.  
  
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	8. Things are Getting Messy

Chapter 8  
  
And so things happen  
  
Ok, this is gonna be really confusing but this is what i did: I reuploaded all the chapters, doubling them up so i wont have to deal with the short chapters thing. So now they all have th wrong names and there's about 6 chapters that have already been read. Soooo what will i do? I can't delete the chapters yet because I'm greedy and want to keep the reviews, so I'm working on that and will soon be good. All right.  
  
Another thing i noticed while reading my past chapters and reviews is that you peepul have very little tolerance for something that might not be possible to happen but has already happened in Colfer's own writing. Mulch drove, in book three, in every book there is a reference to how some fairies do live above ground, and so on. The LEP website was referred to more than once in Eternity Code, and as that's what got Mulch out of prison so I'm pretty sure it exists. I'm not about to do crazy impossible things that would never be able to happen. Ok? So please note that everything has either been done before or is possible. I doubt that anyone had problems with it when they read the actual books. A little mercy, please.  
  
Po-Chan: Oh, yeah, I know I know but as tempting as it is to pair things up a little, it's a little late in the story to do so, and I have already sworn to keep relationships as they were in the book. Sorry. I had another fic that would have had serious H/T, but I pulled it. Anyway. Thanks for the review!  
  
And to all my reviewers: I lurve you all but cannot very well answer everything because I am too lazy and so on. I just got that one today. Moving on, then!  
  
Ok then, back to the story!  
  
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Holly heard the door open slowly. She had to hide; she didn't know if this was the friendly family or not. Looking around, she hid in the nearest location to her: a gaping hole in the floor. She lowered herslf into it, feet first, facing the opposite wall. Then she tried to get a good look at the figures coming in through the door and down the stairs. Not easy from her somewhat comprimised position, but she made out a tall man, possibly the father, two older children, a fat kid and a toddler. She hoped they would just get whatever foodstuffs they had come down to get and leave.  
  
Holly in her right mind is very different from Holly in her still recovering mind. Holly in her right mind would probably have thought again about the likelihood of an entire family coming down to retrieve something that would be found in a room devoted to liquers. Please.  
  
The fat kid spoke, in a surprisingly deep voice. "Captain Holly Short. We've been expecting you."  
  
Melodramatic, perhaps, but the moment was utterly ruined by the kid's giggles and the shoving noises and the girl's voice whispering, "Mulch! Put a lid on it! You're not supposed to!" And then there was the buzz of a deeper voice, which though she couldn't make out the words, she recognised as Trouble Kelp's. Mulch- she knew him. The others must be the family alerted to her presence. She raised herself out of the chilled pit and stood in front of them, frowning.  
  
"Mulch Diggums? Hmm. Immature to the end.What stroke of luck got you out of prison this time?"  
  
Mulch put on a pained expression. "Not luck, m'dear, innocence."  
  
Holly snorted. "Of course. And Trouble? Why might you be here?"  
  
"Commander Root thought the family might need an escort. So here I am. Mulch came along for the ride."  
  
Holly looked around at the others. "Well, then, I think introductions would be in order."  
  
Several hours later, sitting aroung the hole in the floor, the group was nothing of not well acquainted. They had played every game they could imagine for remembering names, and after the fourth round of name volleyball, Artemis sat down in denial.  
  
"How about we stop playing."  
  
Mulch plopped down next to him. "Why? Tired of getting your butt whupped?"  
  
Artemis scowled at him. But before he could get in a snide and terribly chilling comment, they were disrupted by a loud sound, acompanied by an incredibly offensive odor.  
  
Mulch was first to speak, being more used to dwarf gas. "Well, it would seem R'hal isn't holding back any."  
  
Holly would have been thinking up several responses to this, but was too distracted by the sudden apearence of the top of a head slowly becoming visable. She broke and ran for a hiding spot, as everyone else was quick to do.  
  
Unfortunately, not Artemis. He was in a bit too slow. Mulch had stolen his ideal cover, and so he was milling around the room looking for another spot when Opal made a full appearance.  
  
It is well known that in cases of hatching ducklings, the first thing they see, they bond with. Apparently it is the same with cuckoos, because Opal got very excited when she saw Artemis. She went over to him quietly, then tugged on his hand.  
  
Artemis was very surprised to see her there, and did not know any real responses to her being so friendly. The last time he had dealt with her, she had been hostile; a criminal mastermind in her prime. He figured she had to be mentally insecure at the present, but still was stuck for ideas when she pulled on his hand again, and motioned for him to lean down. With several looks cast about him, he reluctantly did so.  
  
Opal raised her face and hands to his ear, like a child going to tell a secret. But she didn't bother whispering; her mind couldn't grasp the concept. She let out a squall that was enough to deafen a deaf man, and it certainly wa enough to stun Artemis. He fell to the floor, writhing, clutching his head and whimpering. Butler made a movement as if to go to him, but Trouble stopped him. They didn't want Opal to feel threatened.  
  
Opal swooped down to Artemis, actress to the end. She was playing the part of a concerned mother, who's son was dying. She was at his side immediately, patting his hand, laying a cool hand on his forehead, in mourning for him.  
  
The only real problem with the scene was that, her mind being in the shape it was, she couldn't quite tell the difference from real life to acting. She gradually convinced herself that she really was the poor boy's mother, and he really was dying. She sobbed. She wailed. In acts of violent passion she threw herself around the room, bruising herself on various arcitectural details and soon slamming her head on a column, slumping to the floor.  
  
Butler would have then gone to help Artemis, who was still in shock on the floor, but a second head joined the group. A much less motherly head, to be sure, and though he was about as bright as an intelligent goblin, this one was evil and very potentially dangerous.  
  
R'hal raised himself out of the hole, looking around. His eyes fell on poor Artemis, and grinned. He was hungry. A warmup act, before the pixie, how sweet. He began making his way toward the Mud Boy on the floor.  
  
Opal lay, still stunned, on the floor. That was a very menacing and dangerous looking individual. Better stay away. She looked around. Where was Baby?  
  
There! Right under- oh no! That very menacing and dangerous looking individual was hovering over Baby, looking hungry! That is a bad thing!  
  
She poked her head up farther. Oh no! There were even more scary things going toward baby! Two mud men! How could this happen?  
  
She scrabled upright, pulling herself up onto shaky legs and clutching the column for support. She had to stop them. "Stop!" She yelled.  
  
That worked. A little too well, though, she decided, as the shorter menacing creature turned and headed straight for her.She screamed. R'hal screamed. Artemis regained hearing, much to his dismay, and started screaming as well.  
  
Mulch looked around for about a second, then joined in too. But his was more functional than the frightened, menacing, and random yells of the above. His purpose was to try and delay R'hal from eating the pixie.  
  
R'hal heard Mulch's squealing and stopped. He turned slowly on his heel.He lowered his head and grinned, making sure to bare all his teeth in the most menacing and dangerous looking way possible.He started walking sedately towards him.  
  
"Mulch." He breathed. "Mulch Diggums. My wimpy little cousin."  
  
Mulch grinned widely, even wider than his rising opponent, but in a jovial and extremly annoying manner. "R'hal. R'hal E. Pathetic. My rather- erm- pitiful cousin."  
  
"That wasn't my choice of a name and you know it."  
  
"But you're stuck with it. And we allknow it suits."  
  
Butler looked from Mulch to R'hal and back again.They did look similar, but not significantly so. He wondered how such a dwarf got a name that could be called - erm- really pathetic.  
  
R'hal growled low in his throat. "I didn't get you in the mines, but I will get you now."  
  
Mulch's grin widened. "But you have no faulty equiptment. And we all know wine bottles won't do the trick; you had the pleasure of discovering that blunt objects don't work on decapitation. Took you a while, but you learned."  
  
Butler twitched. This could be bad. If this was the dwarf war talk he suspected it to be, it would be really bad.  
  
R'hal shifted away from the casks he had just been drifting over to. "You're slower."  
  
"Really now."  
  
"Um. Yes. You are."  
  
It was beginning to dawn on Butler that Mulch was baiting his cousin, and once that dwarf exploded, Mulch could win the resulting fight with strategy. He saw where this was going.  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
R'hal brightened up for a moment, and smiled wickedly. "At least I know how to get a girl."  
  
Mulch's eyes narrowed.  
  
"Tell me, how are things going with you and Tanya?"  
  
"Not at all and you know it."  
  
Butler stiffened. He smelled trouble.  
  
"Terry?"  
  
"Hah."  
  
"Yanny?"  
  
"Psh."  
  
"Birch?"  
  
Something had struck a chord with Mulch. He groaned softly, raising his fists. "Oh, you better stop right now."  
  
R'hal was utterly delighted. All evil plots had deserted him now. He was having fun."But its an interesting topic. Let's share it with all these fine people."  
  
Mulch was sinking into the boxers pose, with teeth jutting out slightly.  
  
"See, folks, it all started with-" R'hal didn't exactly get to finish his sentence because a small object was flung at his head. Mulch had gotten so worked up he had pitched the nearest thing to hand at him, and that thing happened to be Opal. She was thrown bodily at the thing that had so nearly attacked Baby. She had been crawling toward Monster when Mulch picked her up and shortened the trip.  
  
The moment she hit R'hal's head, she exploded. Tearing, shrieking, wailing, scratching, maiming, beating and causing general discomfort to this threat to her Baby was all that mattered to her. And she certainly tried her hardest.  
  
R'hal had no idea what was going on and against his better judgement tried to find out. He pulled the wriggling creaturee off him and tried to hold it at arm's length to look at better. Big mistake. Even if the lighting had been better, he wouldn't have recognized the former prisoner. The minute Opal was off his head, she yowled and bared her teeth, looking so much like a madman R'hal shrieked and dropped her.  
  
You can hardly blame the man. Her eyes were bloodshot and nearly glowing red, her hair was disturbingly pinkish and sticking out at odd angles, her whole face looked like it was about to explode and her neck muscles were bulging. For such a tiny thing she looked as big and dangerous as an atomic bomb.  
  
As soon as she hit the floor, that bomb detonated. It was very scary and more than a little unfortunate for R'hal. You could practically see the sparks fly as she lit into the now severely confused and hurting dwarf's legs.  
  
R'hal toppled. This was not the menacing and dangerous look he had been shooting for, but did that matter right now? Naw. Survival by far outranked maintaining an image. He rolled on his belly, trying to squash the pixie under him. Didn't work, though; Opal clambered onto his back like a monkey, and straddled his back, then pushed his ribs hard with her knees. She yelled words like "Giddup!" and tried whipping him, but R'hal wasn't going anywhere. He flopped, trying to catch his breath. Opal hopped off and delivered a swift kick to his head, effectively knocking him out.  
  
Opal climbed over the limp body of the dwarf, and headed toward her Baby. He wasn't going to die now; she had defeated his death. She went over to him and gave him a big hug.  
  
Artemis looked down at the tiny pixie who was hugging him very tightly. So much like a mother, he thought, before passing out from all the stress he had been under.  
  
Butler and Trouble came out from behind the columns they had been hiding behind and walked over to R'hal's prone form.  
  
"I'd say we overestimated him," Butler said, picking up a limp arm and watching it fall.  
  
"I'd say we underestimated her," Trouble motioned towards Opal, who was sending blue sparks up and down Artemis' unconscious self.  
  
Mulch came over to join them, kicked his cousin in the gut and said, "I'd say both. R'hal is much more dangerous one on one, with things like diamond cutters at his disposal."  
  
Holly and Juliet were assisting Opal in the caretaking of Artemis.They both couldn't help but notice the compassion in the way Opal treated him, and were exchanging looks back and forth to each other. When Opal decided she was done, and went to sleep in a corner, they began a quiet conference over Artemis' still unconscious body.  
  
"What do you make of it?" Holly asked, looking over at the pixie.  
  
"I think it's hilarious, if slightly disturbing. She seems convinced he's her own child."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Why else would she act like that? I couldn't help but notice that she was always working in defense of him, and there's nothing else for it. She must have bonded with him because he was the first thing she saw after being alone that long."  
  
"Like a duck. I've heard of that."  
  
"I'm sure. It's well known."  
  
"Hmm. Well, I suppose we had best get Artemis to his room."  
  
About a half hour later, the two females came back downstairs after depositing Artemis in his room. They were chatting like od friends. They were, of course, but Holly didn't know that and Juliet couldn't tell her.  
  
"So you're involved in wrestling, then?"  
  
"Yes I am. I just auditioned the other day, in fact, for the Ireland Wrestling Squad. I'm expecting the letter any day now."  
  
"You ought to see our wrestling. Two gnomes going at it in an ampitheatre. I'll send you a vid sometime."  
  
[A/N: Sorry, I couldn't remember the exact quote from the book and I couln't find the book itself.]  
  
Juliet turned away for a second, then came back with, "Yes, I'd like that. Do you think you could drop a line to Foaly? He might even send it now."  
  
Holly grinned and nodded. "You know, I like the way you think. I'll do that now."  
  
Trouble, Butler and Mulch had just called Root, after much hemming and hawwing over if they really wanted to. They decided on hiding Convict and keeping the Mud Man out of the way for a bit, so the conversation could go on peacefully. Butler and Mulch started setting up cue cards, so Trouble could say things for them if they needed to say something. The phone rang twice, then the commander's voice was heard loud and clear over the speakerphone.  
  
"Problem?"  
  
Mulch and Butler nodded violently, and Trouble said, "Yes, sir. We successfully rendered the threat unconscios, and were wondering what to do with him."  
  
"Meaning?"  
  
Trouble sighed. "We await your orders, Commander."  
  
"Well. I say ship him down to the Haven, LEP headquarters for questioning and a Retimagation."  
  
"Very well sir."  
  
"With all due speed, please, Captain. He belongs in prison. And I don't think Howler's is good enough for him."  
  
"Yessir."  
  
"See if you can hook up a Mud Prison for him. We ought to relocate him."  
  
"Well sir, that seems rather drastic."  
  
"Yeah, but he's related to Diggums." Root laughed. R'hal would be getting the treatment Opal should have gotten. And would, once he got to it.  
  
Trouble cleared his throat. "And with the pixie, sir?"  
  
"Keep her under sedation; we'll treat her like the dwarf. She unconscious?"  
  
"Very much so."  
  
"Good. Sedate and keep still, that's as much as you can do."  
  
"Ok then."  
  
Trouble broke connection, looking at the two in front of him. "Well, there we have it."  
  
They tied R'hal up, very tightly. Then, true to orders, they shipped him the the Haven. In a (of all things) pine box filled with styrophoam packers. Trouble addressed the box, straightened up, and let Mulch and Butler heave it with very little ceremony and even less caution into the rear of the Bentley. Then they trouped inside to get something to eat and find the rest of the merry crew, to head down to the Haven.  
  
They found the female end of the merry crew in the rec room, laughing hysterically over Holly's helmet, where Foaly had sent a clip of fairy wrestling for their veiwing pleasure. He even stayed on the visor and commentated the match, busting them up even more.  
  
After the winner was proclaimed, they followed Trouble upstairs, to collect Artemis, and then to the cellar, to collect Opal. Or that was the plan.  
  
Artemis was very difficult to get out of bed, and refused until they finally left. Then he got up and got changed. He wanted to be clean again; he was so grimy from his adventures. Those hospital beds really needed improvement. But by the time he was presentable, he was tired enough to go to sleep again, so back he went.  
  
By that though, they had gotten Opal, and she was taking to the maternal role of alarm clock very well.  
  
They were out in the Bentley about four and two third minutes later, and this time Butler was driving. They did not have to catch a plane to Disneyland Pris this time; reather, Trouble and Holly directed them to a lovely little shuttle port about four miles from Fowl Manor.  
  
And Butler was angry at Mulch, who sat in the back, as far from Butler and the pinebox as he could without hurting himself, which was not far.  
  
And off they went, to the next big adventure that awaited them at the end of the port. And who was there to greet them but Commandant Terryl. What a joy.  
  
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You like? Another 7 pages for you! I feel like it should be longer but I'm not too happy with the whole thing so I'll stop before I hurt myself. Review like madness, please! 


	9. The Plot Continues to Thicken

The Next Chapter- I think it's # 9-  
  
And more happens  
  
To all my fabulous, fabulous reviewers: I LOVE YOU! Espeshully Nyghtvision, for being so -cool-. Loved the anime pics. You all should ask her for a copy. It's great. But you won't know Janisha Silver til you read her fic, which you SHOULD, by all means. So after you read this, hop to it and go read. Meh.  
  
So sorry it took me so long to update. Been busy. And all that jazz. Heeheehee. *hugs self in glee*  
  
Pyro: thanks for the reviews! Yeah, you're right about Holly, I know, but I tried to cover it up by making it seem she was supposed to be that way. ^.^ I loved your story, by the way.  
  
Holly wouldn't need permission, would she? After all, the original invite still stands. And they wouldn't have nixed it, either, in case of Fowl emergency. Heheh. At least to my way of thinking. Which, admittedly, is not to be trusted.  
  
This is a severely mind wrenching chapter right here. I fought with writers block all the way. Bear with me here, though, at least i tried.  
  
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As soon as they neared the shuttle port, Trouble ran out toward the gate entrance and demanded to see whoever's in charge immediately.  
  
The gnome on duty looked down his nose at the fairy and told him that that was who he was addressing.  
  
Much to Trouble's dismay, he was dealing with a certain "Commandant Terryl," whom the entire LEP force knew and loved dreaming of killing or inflicting serious and painful harm.  
  
They need to put something in the training manual about this, Trouble thought angrily as he attempted to explain that he was about to bring in several Mud Men.  
  
Oh, the rues of a commandant's life. Especially on the bad end of a buzz baton after being particularly snide and prissy.  
  
Trouble straightened up, looking down harshly at the once cocky official. Terryl laid on the floor until the captain was well out of sight, then tried to convince the Complaints Department that it was an unreasonable attack and he didn't deserve it. After listening to 12 minutes straight of full out laughter, Terryl hung up and took an early lunch break.  
  
But what he did on that break involved Mud Music including Shakira and Britney Spears, so I will graciously edit it out and continue with Trouble.  
  
Trouble ran up several flights of stairs to the control panel, grabbing a microphone and switching it on. In his best important person voice, he began detailing how everyone needed to evacuate the building.  
  
A few fairies blinked, but otherwise ignored him.  
  
"WE JUST DISCOVERED A BOMB! IN ORDER TO NEUTRALIZE IT, WE NEED EVERYBODY OUT!" Trouble screamed, to no apparent affect.  
  
He had anticipated this. On to plan b, then. Trouble smiled wickedly. "Excuse me, excuse me, may I have your attention please." He half expected everyone to say no, but they couldn't be bothered. "Well, too bad for you then, because there is a mad female troll coming and you need to escape now, before she gets here!"  
  
These People could be from New York, thought Trouble, and pay more attention. Oh well. Here goes – well, most likely something. "OH NO! HERE SHE IS!"  
  
Butler strode in, calmly, amid shrieks and screams of horror from Trouble. For a moment everything was still. Then Butler went up to a maintenance fairy and asked the time in a perfectly civilized manner.  
  
Then all hell broke loose. The fairy he had asked gave a squeal and ran away, sparking reactions from others, who followed suit. All this resulted in a lot of noise and a crowded exit door.  
  
A control squad showed up. For all of two seconds. One terrified look, one terrified yelp, and an even more crowded exit door later, they were nowhere to be found. Trouble spat in disgust. Must be the sprite squad.  
  
Eventually the door was clear. Holly came in first, directing Mulch and Juliet, who were carrying the pine box containing R'hal. Artemis and Opal followed. Opal had managed to get Artemis to carry her, in a motherly sort of way. Surprisingly enough, Artemis didn't mind that much. Holly didn't want to jump to any conclusions, but she almost thought that Artemis enjoyed having the pixie around. He looked after her like she had looked after her father when he was still around.  
  
"Well, we have plenty of shuttles to pick from," Mulch said, dropping his end of the box and scratching his head. Juliet laid her end down as well and agreed. Holly said nothing, but strolled around casually, looking at different shuttles. Trouble glanced at the arrival time monitor and winced.  
  
"We only have about twenty minutes to get out of here before the next shuttle gets in. And so-" he glanced at Holly- "We had better hurry."  
  
Mulch nodded vigorously. "No time to be choosy, captain. Just pick anything and lets go."  
  
Holly selected a particularly sleek looking model, and led them to the boarding corridor. "Hop in, then. I hope my rushed decision won't result in civilian deaths."  
  
Trouble looked at her. She was acting a lot like- what was his name?- Pegreen? Yeah, him. She was acting a lot like the only other fairy to be mindwiped that he knew of. Pegreen. Poor Pegreen. Mindwiped for a particularly messy encounter with humans. He had been clumsy and forgetful for a long time, strangely obsessed with citrus, and then just when he started to get better, got worse for about a week. During which time he lost his job, landed himself in prison and devoted himself to writing children's novels and picture books. Which, though the books sold well, was a sad fate for a once prestigious member of society. Whether he ever fully regained sanity permanently was debatable. But then again, whether he ever was fully sane was debatable. Then again, he was a male. And a sprite to boot. Sprites are not known for their incredible healing abilities. And even though Holly was a female and an elf, Trouble was still concerned. Fairies, apparently, did not take kindly to mindwipes.  
  
Trouble shook himself. He had been worried about her more and more frequently.  
  
Opal cooed with delight upon entering the shuttle. Though the craft was standard LEP, it had an interior like no other normal LEP ship. Very spacious and comfortable. She and Artemis seated themselves on a large seat and a half chair. She perched on his knee much like a ventriloquist's doll. Butler sat a bit farther away, eying them curiously. It was odd to see Artemis care like this. Some form of pity. Possibly from the stress he'd been under. Not too overly surprising, really. It would be good for the boy to learn. He suppressed a smile. He cared for her much like Butler had once cared for a certain goldfish he had owned when he was younger...  
  
Mulch dragged the box into the shuttle, plopped it onto a seat and promptly sat on it with very little ceremony. He stared impressively around as though waiting for the world to congratulate him. If the world had cared, they would have, but since they didn't, he didn't hear much.  
  
Juliet had called shotgun, and slid into the passenger seat with relish. And Artemis thought the Bentley offered comfort and a good ride. She gave a short laugh. This was comfort. She slid the vid screen down, and turned it to gnomish wrestling. Trouble scooted in next to her, and they watched in hysterical laughter.  
  
Holly piled into the shuttle last. After this, she thought, she really ought to take a vacation. Atlantis, perhaps. Maybe even Disneyland Paris. She shook her head. Too crowded, she'd run into too many people she knew. The Orient, maybe. Relaxing, peaceful and quiet under Japan. That would do it.  
  
If Root had mysteriously appeared and joined them on the ship, he would have been very frightened. One of his finest captains was laughing himself to tears with a Mud Girl, Artemis least favorite Mud Boy was giving his second least favorite criminal a belly rub (and Opal herself was purring like a kitten), Butler still had not had the chance to change out of his troll costume and Convict was perched on a pine box helping himself to the finest caviar underground. Then there was Holly, who was staring dreamily at the controls of the shuttle like a teen about to drive for the first time.  
  
Root would have been speechless and thoroughly offended for about a minute, but then would have shrugged and sat down. After all, they all hadn't slept in over 72 hours, and the circumstances under which they had not slept through were clearly very taxing. One must forgive certain situations, even if one was not there to observe them as one is pretended to be for sake of example.  
  
(A/N: if anyone cannot understand that, I am very sorry. That whole chapter is not to my pleasing at all) ================================================================ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ================================================================  
  
The trip was fairly uneventful. They came off the shuttle in desired location, were then transported to their next desired location.  
  
-Dun dun duuuun-  
  
Root's office.  
  
It was a tired and motley crew that assembled there, with much feet shuffling and even more yawns and groans. Stiff, tired and near beaten, it was true. But did they mind? No sir. None of their own afflictions were on their poor bedraggled minds. Not when they saw what awful shape R'hal was in when he was removed from the box.  
  
Apparently water had gotten into the box (they all looked at Mulch, but Mulch denied it all) and discolored his face, turning it pruney and oddly pink. The rest of him had been trying to absorb water, succeeding only in vacuuming up styrofoam packing peanuts, giving him an oddly lumpy look and squishy feel. Not entirely pleasant. And the less said about the smell, the better.  
  
Root looked him up and down, snorted, and ordered him to be cleaned and relocated to a human prison. Several reluctant looking fairies stepped up to do so.  
  
Opal, though, was a different case. Artemis had braided her hair (under close inspection and instruction from herself) and she looked very nice. They were sitting together, she curled up in his lap in an almost puppy- like or kittenish way.  
  
Butler and Root held conference for a short time, and after a short amount of hushed whispers, Butler straightened up and moved back to his previous location behind Artemis' chair. Nothing more was said of her, and they moved on to Holly.  
  
Holly requested that she take a vacation; she decided to take a trip to under Florida, where there would be plenty of oranges and she could actually rest for as long as she would need. Never having taken a day off in her career, she naturally had a very long time to spend. And anyway, the Council would have paid her to take a while off anyway.  
  
Root allowed this; he didn't think it would be a problem. Trouble said he would graciously accompany her; Root consented; she would be best off under supervision anyway.  
  
Then they got around to Mulch. Ah, yes, they got to Mulch. It was decided that he would be given a job with the LEP; he would be stationed at a Mud Prison to keep an eye on his cousin.  
  
At this Mulch protested.  
  
"What? You can't do that! I have rights! You can't do this! I'm not guilty of anything- I've been cleared of all charges! No! I'll sue!"  
  
Root grinned. "Go ahead. See if it gets you anywhere. I'm sure that you've done something illegal lately- let me see." He flipped open a file folder labeled "CONVICT" in large red letters. "Well, now, I seem to have found something. Unless you doubt the liability of alerting dangerous Mud Men to our presence?"  
  
Mulch blanched. "Well- I-"  
  
"Didn't think so." Root finished triumphantly, flipping to another page in the same folder. "Now, the appropriate punishment is loss of powers and probation. But there is a small snag there- both are already applied in your case. This standardly means mindwipes all around and a trip to Howler's Peak, high security and no single cells. For at least half your life- if you live long enough, with all the goblin generals."  
  
Mulch turned yet a paler shade of pale white. Think polar bears having a snowball fight in a blizzard.  
  
"But your other alternative is a respectable job with the LEP, living in a civilized manner aboveground in one of Ireland's finest jails, not as a criminal, but as a councilor for wayward midgets. Now, you could agree to the terms, or you could put up a fight and be doing it for free. Or you could take the Howler's Peak option. And believe you me, we aren't looking forward to wasting money on a funeral. And we all know dwarves don't cremate well."  
  
If any more blood had drained from Mulch's face, it would have deflated. They had tried to cremate his uncle, who had died in one of their less prosperous years. Cremation was cheap, but correcting the "mistake" was a more expensive procedure.  
  
There are reasons why dwarves are afraid of fire. It is similar to the reason they fear ice.  
  
Mulch gulped, nodded, and quietly went to pass out in a corner.  
  
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Not too long, but i cannot stretch this more than 6 pages. Help! Please review! I am now in the phase where i want to finish the story but -don't- know- how- gah! *collapses in corner* i know that all the characters are OOC, but there is nothing i can do about it. I'm really sorry. I just don't think i can handle doing any more to the chapter. No flames, please, just phrase them politely. 


	10. Now we see the plot

Chapter 10  
  
Now we see the plot!  
  
Yes, dear readers and especially reviewers, now is the time where I actually get a lpot in motion. *all gasp* Heyyyyyy, I take offense to that!  
  
Just a note: If there are spelling boo boos, I apoligize. I'm writing on my grandparents' computer and the keyboard is a very difficult one to adapt to. I know it sounds as if I'm just making up excuses, but this is very hard to catch all the mistakes I know I'm making here. Bear with me, guys, I'll be on my usual computer in a couple weeks. I love my grandparents more than you, so tough it out! I won't have access to the internet as of tomorrow as I'll be in the Adirondacks and you'll have to live without me! *Maniac laughter* Muahahaha! I'm cutting you off! *Meek grin* Just kidding. I'm trying as hard as I everly can.  
  
Just keep in mind, as I am, that the alleged title for book 4 has something to do with Koboi, or at least the name. :-D Enjoy this chater!  
  
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Opal Koboi was a very mad pixie. Not to say mad as in insane mad, but more like angered. Or at least to her mind, which was not to be relied on in the best of times, or at least lately.  
  
"Why, why, why!" She shreiked, hurling herself at the wall with a rather loud noise best described as "Splat." Peeling the now squashed sandwich off her filthy dress, best described as burlap, she spat in disgust. "It's not fair, it's really not fair!" She sobbed loudy, then looked to her left and right. Then she raised her eyes to the ceiling and wailed.  
  
"Cudgeon!" She moaned. "Why have you forsaken me here?" She flung herself on the bed, momentarily forgetting that Cudgeon had been killed by her.  
  
She sat blt upright. "I hate him! I hate him I hate him I haaaaate hiiiiiiiiiiiiimmmm!" She pummeled her pillow harshly, apparently under the delusion that it was her late partner in crime. If it had been, the shapeless heavy lump of former Acting Commander would now be a pile of ripped and shreded burlap and stiff stuffing.  
  
She let out a long, wordless shriek and plowed herself into the small chair provided for prisoners to write letters to home. Home from Howler's Peak. How a mother must feel when she read that return address.  
  
But Opal wasn't thinking of her mother now. She was thinking of her father. She filled up with remorse and fell out crying. "Daddy! Daddy, help me! I'm so sorry, Daddy! Daddyyyyyyy! Daddy, help me! Save me, Daddy, I love yoooouuuuuuu!"  
  
She snapped upright again, thinking of all the times he had scolded her and took back all she had just said. Why was she crying over Daddy? She didn't need him. This would never do.  
  
She stood up and walked calmly over to the cell's bathroom to wash her face in the sink. Her sanity remained until she turned on the faucet. Then she remembered how her mother used to wash her in the sink, and she tried desparately to turn off the water through. But her tearsgot in the way, and she gradually realized that she was twisting the wrong way. The water had stopped flowing, though.  
  
She kept twisting the handle the same way. This was sooo fun! Turney, turney, turney! Wheeee- huh?  
  
The handle had come off. And where it had been, there was a red button. Which sparked her curiousity. She couldn't resist. She pushed it. As she fell through the trapdoor the button had opened, she couldn't help wondering how that little contraption had gotten there.  
  
Had she had a sane enough mind, she would have remembered that her henchman R'hal had made it for her. He was a foreign cellkeeper who was not at all above a bribe, and when she was in one of her sane moments she had bargained with him.  
  
He had agreed to chew a tunnel from a trapdoor that he also made from her design, to the surface of Disneyland Paris. R'hal was one very smart dwarf, though, and even though he couldn't design the trapdoor (Koboi had when she could think later) he could strike a bargain like no other, and the deal was made that in exchange for his tunnelling services, she would take him along with her, and once she was back in business, pay him well.  
  
But, unfortunately for him, Koboi was in no mood for remembering promises. Especially when they had been made in a semi-conscious mind. Even if she could have remembered her promise, she would not have remembered who it was to. Probably.  
  
She crawled along the tunnel, wallowing in the muck and glorying in it at turns. She had no idea of what was going on above her, or what would, at any rate, in forty five minutes to and hour. And if she had known, she wouldn't have liked it.  
  
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Again, a nice lengthened chapter for you!  
  
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"Prisoner 19b67949g12c6-" Cellkeeper Byrd burst into the lounge and took a deep breath. "-496y123547hfg8t76ry-"  
  
"Get on with it!" Cellmaster Gurns barked at the young officer. "We know the ID number is too ling, just get on with it and give us the name!"  
  
"Very well, Billy," Byrd responded, miffed that he was being cut off. It had taken him months to memorize all the prisoners' ID's, and the Cellmaster had interrupted him half way. The impudence. "Opal Koboi has escaped!"  
  
Gurns let the use of his first name "Billy" slide as he bolted upright. "What! Impossible!"  
  
"Check the tapes, sir, but I just went down to bring the food to her and there was no one there!"  
  
"Did you check the bathroom?"  
  
"Not a sign of her."  
  
"Ceilings?" The last time they had thought she had run away, it turned out she was pretending to be Spiderman and had managed to work herself up to the ceiling, and had clung there for days. It hadn't been until about a week later, when they had brought a new prisoner in, that she was found. Apparently she had dropped down on the new occupant while he slept, and had to be dragged forcibly off him. How do you explain to a goblin that the pint-sizd pixie hanging off his arm by the teeth didn't mean it?  
  
"Nope. Not a trace."  
  
Cellmaster Gurns swore. This was not supposed to happen on his shift!  
  
The rest of the cellkeepers gathered 'round the two. The suggestion was soon made that they should indeed go veiw the tapes. Off they went to the video room, only to find R'hal finish typing something and stand up.  
  
"Problem, gentlemen?"  
  
Gurns responded sharply, in his usual gangsta tones. "Yeah, actually, there is. Koboi's escaped. We wanna veiw the pictures. So move aside."  
  
"Yessir."  
  
The cellkeepers clustred around the screen as Gurns pulled up the tape. They watched as the prisoner stood up from the bed, walked over to the door, opened it, and walked away.  
  
"She knew it was unlocked?" Asked one cellkeeper.  
  
"But how'd she open it? The room is rubber!" exclaimed another.  
  
"Either way, she's out," stated a third.  
  
"That can not be excellent." #1 remarked.  
  
"Hardly fabulous," #2 chimed in.  
  
"Barely wonderful," #3 agreed.  
  
"And while certainly remarkable-" #1 began,  
  
"It definately-" #2 added,  
  
"Could not be-" #3 contributed,  
  
"GOOD." They all ended in unison.  
  
Gurns looked at the triplets in reluctant awe. "Bravo, boys. As you were."  
  
The boys beamed at the thought of appreciation.  
  
R'hal rolled his eyes at the others, and turned to his own inward thoughts. Why did she leave when she did? How could she had forgotten?  
  
One thing was certain, though. He wasn't about to leave it alone. He stalked out the door under the pretense that he was ill and needed to go home.  
  
Then he went to the now empty cell. He knew he would not be sen on the footage of the room, he had the cameras rigged now. And the bathroom, out of respect of the one feminine resident, had no camera.  
  
He pulled off the handle to the cold water on the sink. Pressing the button, he muttered,  
  
"Opal Koboi, I believe you owe me something."  
  
And with that, he disappeared down the tunnel.  
  
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Wow! 4 whole pages! Yikes! Well, you all deserve it. Now you do your job and review review review! 


	11. Poor Butler

Chapter 10  
  
Poor, Poor Butler  
  
Child-Prodigy: Wow! I'm really glad you like it that much! So sorry you were sick- but so glad you're better now. *Glows* I feel so loved.  
  
Nyghtvision: *Gasps* I feel so loved! So many terrific reviews! *Head swims for a while, shakes head and continues* So so so so so glad you like it. Wow. Ok, well, I only let my dad read parts like the sprite's Disneyland conversation. He enjoyed it a lot, and then I showed some friends the thing with the moles, and they liked that a lot. I knew the drwings had to be anime, cuz you've said in a lot of your fics (or at least AF Chicken) how you're into anime, and I figured that might have something to do with it. ^- ^ *Is proud of figuring it out* And I think it would be ok for me to receive the file. :D Anyway. So very glad you like it and you update soon, yourself! *Glares*  
  
CloudRox: Yeah, I know it seems a little harsh, but that's part of the fun. O.o Just kidding. It's part of what makes it different, Artemis getting sick and Holly getting wiped. Heehee. Hee. Artemis himself didn't really get his mind back consciously, it was the delerium talking, kind of. Artemis' body was in autopilot mode, as was his mind, and autopilot was trying to survive, so his mind (not including the part that he usually thinks from, we're talking the whole brain here) pulled up the one thing it knew would save him, and that was the fairy magic. So, he ended up trying to get that, in the only way he could, which was asking. That's my big technical explanation, as far as I can figure. I'd fix the chapter and reupload, but that chapter is on a different computer. Sorry to all my reviewers who have been boggled by that!  
  
To everybody: I am so, so, so so so so SO sorry that it took me this long to update. I'm now typing on my dad's laptop and where I am in NY there is no internet connection, untill we got my Grandpa Shea (That would be my mom's maiden name, and I realize that it coincides with mine. Imagine that.)a brand new computer that we could get dail up on, and I got email from the past week. So reviewers I didn't address, so sorry but I can't remember all of you, I had a lot of mail.  
  
I think you'll like these chapters. They're probably not as good as some other ones, but you won't hate me til the next chapter, #11. So sad. but sweet. *Goes in corner and cries softly*  
  
"Mulch Diggums," Growled a large and particularly menacing female troll, "Once we pull this off, you will die."  
  
The unrepentant dwarf shrugged at the once formidable bodyguard, and replied with a hurt, "Hey, you asked for it. You wanted an in to the Haven, and I did my best. You should be giving me academy awards for the makeup job."  
  
Through layers of sticky latex, paint, outlandish ears and more than a few boxes of hair and warts, Butler managed to control himself. "And yet, for some reason, I'm not showering you with praise."  
  
"You're just going through a phase."  
  
"Yeah, a big hairy phase that may include anger. And when I'm mad, I tend to hurt things."  
  
Mulch grinned. "Good! Use that anger! Bottle it up and pour it out in the shuttle port. But remember, no breaking things that look really expensive. We'll be footing the bill for all the damage you cause, keep that in mind."  
  
"I was thinking more along the lines of breaking you."  
  
"Now now now, keep your anger controlled. Place it in the imaginary ziplock bag. and put in in your big, hairy pocket."  
  
"I don't have pockets."  
  
"Work with me here, work with me."  
  
"I did, and now I'm in a skintight latex contraption and loin cloth with lots of hair and warts and a head mask with outlandish ears while my Principal is lying miles away on his potential deathbed while we waste time arguing."  
  
"Somebody needs a hug."  
  
You could almost see the steam billowing under Butler's glued on, latex collar decorated with dirt and more mold than would probably pass health inspection. Butler was thinking about letting his hands hug Mulch's neck very, very seriously.  
  
Fortunatly, however, Juliet walked in, momentarily distracting the boys from their quarreling.  
  
Mulch nodded his approval. "Banshee is a good look for you."  
  
Juliet grinned. "Thanks." She rotated slowly, letting them get the full measure of her outfit. "But look what I have for you." She held up a truly heinous outfit that was fit to gag a maggot. So to speak.  
  
It was enough to flabbergast a dwarf. "What is that thing?"  
  
Juliet's grin widened. "Well, I noticed that one of us didn't have a dress- up outfit, and it was hardly fair that me and Butler have so much fun with ours and you not be able to. So, I did a little research. Apparently you're just the right size to be a baby troll."  
  
"No. No! I don't need a costume. I'm a native!"  
  
"Exactly. And who's the head of the LEP Most Wanted List? Check the website. It happens to be Mulch Diggums, first, third, fourth, and fifth. An ugly goblin general is second, or you'd have all of them. Just because you had a good lawyer to get you out of prison does not mean that you're forgiven. Point is, you won't get through customs without a disguise. So, here it is."  
  
"I refuse!"  
  
"Too bad."  
  
"Don't I get any say in this?"  
  
Butler's hairy and warty hand somehow found it's way onto Mulch's shoulder. "Of course you do. Tell you what. You say as much as you want, and we'll pay as much attention as we want."  
  
Mulch gulped. This would be an interesting trip to the Haven. To say the very, very least.  
  
Since I have nothing else to do, I'll make it a very long chapter.  
  
Holly poured herself a glass of orange juice. Oranges were a treat underground. They were only available when the Farmers Guild got the budget approved for expensive lights needed to grow the fruit. And this was the first year in decades that the budget had been passed. And Holly took every advantage of it. Orange juice, orangade, creamsicles, and every other kind of orange product found its way into her fridge.  
  
And then there was the fruit itself, which she had placed in numerous fruit bowls around her apartment. All under a preserving spell, of course. She only ate about three a day. One with dinner. One with lunch. One for breakfast on the run. Which was what she was having now.  
  
She downed the small glass of orange juice at a gulp and, grabbing an orange out of the nearest dish, headed for the door. She loved oranges for breakfast. Beat having kiwis everyday. They required much less peeling, and as she looked at the scar around her pointer finger, she thought that was a very good thing. Those pearing knives were sharp, and had certainly done their damage. Almost lost her trigger finger on that knife.  
  
She ran into work, spitting out orange seeds into the nearest trash receptacle. Late again. Root would have her head. And then her badge. Not necessarily in that order, she thought, allowing herself a smile.  
  
Trouble Kelp passed her in the hall. "Hey, Short. Root wants you to report for a physical at 9:30. No excuses." He grinned. "You're long overdue, apparently. Though why anyone's ever needed a physical before is beyond me."  
  
"Thanks," Holly grinned back. "He probably wants to make sure I didn't break anything on the way in again."  
  
They shared a chuckle, then she made a beeline for the nurse's office.  
  
Trouble watched her go. Wow. That mindwipe really did its job. She wasn't herself. The whole obsession with oranges- sure, he liked them, all fairies did, but she had them every day. All the time. A common symptom of a mindwipe, oranges. And clumsiness. She had no where near the grace and agility she usually had. That always happened after being wiped, he knew, and she'd be back to normal in a couple days, she was already a lot better than she was three days ago, but it was really weird, watching the best in the LEP trip and fall, breaking her kneecap on the way to work. At least she had all her magic, and it was easy enough to heal, but still. It was unnerving.  
  
Holly ran into the nurse's office, checked in, and was led into the Examination Room by a tall, neurotic looking nurse. She stumbled a little on the threshold, nearly giving the nurse a heart attack, but other than that she was fine.  
  
By the end of the checkup, she was told she was in perfect health, just a little uncoordinated, and if she broke anything else to report back immediately. With that, she left, wondering if that diagnosis differed at all from the one she had suggested while on the examination table.  
  
Heading to the Commander's office, she grinned to herself again. She wouldn't have a heavy workload today. Root had made a point of giving her the easier jobs, as to give her time to get over whatever clumsy spell she was in.  
  
She burst into Root's office and stood at the ready, waiting for instructions. Not surprisingly, they came.  
  
"Holly. Captain Short. Today you are on-" He scanned the list with a finger and stopped at the point she supposed was her name. "Shuttleports. Disneyland Paris' entrance. You're on security backup. if anything gets out of control, you're in the squad that gets it back in control."  
  
"Understood."  
  
"Off you go then." Root watched her leave. They were all behaving strangely. Holly- well, that was only natural, she'd just had a mindwipe. Clumsiness was to be expected. They once mindwiped another elf- Pegreen, or something to that effect- and he had been clumsy for weeks. She'd get over it.  
  
He sighed, contentedly lighting a huge black fungus cigar. Nothing wrong this morning. What a wonderful feeling. Which only invited something bad to happen the next day.  
  
Ok, that's all for now, folks. 4 pages. I'm trying.  
  
Holly is going to stop being uncoordinated, I just threw in that side effect for fun and maybe a reason later on. I don't know. *Grins*  
  
Sad chapter coming up. Read and review this chapter before you all hate me! *Sobs* 


	12. More From the Fowls

Chapter 11  
  
More from the Fowls  
  
Artemis Sr. and Angeline staggered into the waiting room, crying.  
  
"Why did he have to get sick, Timmy?" Angeline wailed. "Why? He's so young... so young..."  
  
"I know, darling, I know. It isn't fair." Artemis Sr. wondered at the circumstance's irony. He had pressured his son to turn honest- and was doing so killing the boy?  
  
They were led into the room Artemis was in. The doctor looked at them, and shugged. "He's still talking gibberish. I didn't tell him anything, just let him talk. You may have better luck, though." As he went for the door, he added, "I honestly don't know what to tell you. I'd say he'll get better, but I don't know. And I don't know if I'd believe that there is no risk of a coma. But I'll leave you to him, now."  
  
He left. Angeline sat down in the chair by his bed.  
  
"Arty? Arty, dear, It's me. Your mother, dear. Can you hear me?"  
  
Artemis turned his head toward her, and opened blurry eyes. "Mother?"  
  
"Yes, dear. And Father too."  
  
"Daddy? And Butler?"  
  
"Butler is at home, son," Artemis Sr. chimed in. "Are you feeling better?"  
  
"Is- is Butler getting Holly?"  
  
Angeline looked up at her husband, not knowing what to say. Artemis Sr. spoke up.  
  
"Yes, he went home in a terrible rush to get her."  
  
"He'll get her."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"And then she'll heal me, and we'll be fine."  
  
"Of course, son."  
  
"I feel better now."  
  
"Good. Try and sleep a little, now."  
  
"Father-" Artemis slurred, trying to articulate, "I- in Helsinki- It was the Mafiya- and in Murmansk-" He couldn't get it out. "I tried, Daddy, I had no choice."  
  
"I- I understand, son." It was better to set his son's mind at ease. Who knew what the poor boy was talking about, but it was better this way.  
  
"I couldn't tell you- I hadn't known, I'm sorry, I'm sorry... I tried, Daddy, I tried." There were tears running down his cheeks.  
  
Angeline felt tears pouring down her face. She looked up, and there was a wet trail over Timmy's cheeks as well. What ever had just happened, it meant a lot to all three of them.  
  
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That wasn't too bad, was it?  
  
If you couldn't tell, Artemis was trying to tell his father that he saved him, and that he was sorry for shooting him and everything... I'll go in a corner now. I'm sorry.  
  
Please review. 


	13. Krazy Koboi

Chapter 13  
  
Krazy Koboi  
  
Opal Koboi giggled like a loon as she crawled through the muck of the tunnel. Loon. She liked that word. Loony, loony, loony. She giggled more. High pitched. Now low pitched. Mix it up, and repeat. Hee hee, this was fun!  
  
Opal's mad giggling had several benefits.  
  
First of all, it let R'hal know where she was, and that she was following the right track. He was no fool, he had made several detour paths. His figuring was, if she tried to go it alone, she'd get lost and he'd be able to find her at some point. He had not, however, thought that she was crazy enough to take the correct paths just because they looked weird. That, in a nutshell, was her plan. Take the most desolate paths, wind up in a desolate location.  
  
That nutshell happened to be her head. Unfortunate, but true.  
  
Second, the giggling kept her busy and she stayed occupied for lengths of time. If it hadn't so enthralled her, she may have given up and R'hal would catch up to her. And dwarves in rages, as he was, tend to crunch things in their molars. Not pleasant.  
  
So, it was a good thing that things stayed the way they were. For the time being.  
  
Root nearly exploded. First the neandathol [A/N: I hope you can figure that word through my minced spelling] Mud Men, now their potentially most dangerous criminal escaped and on the run.  
  
Where was Lady Luck when you needed her? She certainly wasn't up for much these days. He called up Foaly again.  
  
The Howler's Peak officers thought they had the only cameras in the cells. They thought wrong. As the police, Foaly thought the LEP was entitled to their own surveilance gadgets. And he wasn't as polite as them when it came to putting them in bathrooms, though he angled them to face away from the toilets and showers, so they were pretty much showing up the doors and sinks.  
  
"Foaly! Gimme the footage from Howler's Peaker, Cell #1 in the max security unit ON THE DOUBLE!"  
  
"Well if it isn't my favorite beet-complexioned commander."  
  
"No, it isn't. Gimme the tapes."  
  
"Touche, touche. Someone's got a bad case of the gimme's"  
  
"Where are the-" He was, again, cut off by the somewhat unexpected arrival of the required footage.  
  
Foaly really was asking for trouble. "Foaly, this is the film from LAST MONTH!"  
  
Foaly put on a hurt face. "Well, sir, you never specified the date or time- "  
  
"You know what I meant, Foaly. Now, put in the tape. for today, starting in the morning."  
  
"Yessir, Mr. Julius, sir."  
  
"Shuttup and give me-" The video started up on the moniter. Opal was moping on her cot. "Thank you. Now, fast forward about three hours."  
  
The centuar obediently did so. You don't get thank-yous everyday in this business.  
  
"Two more." The film flashed in front of him, and the commander saw something. "Hold it! Wait, wait! Rewind, very slowly." The pixie had been flying all over the room in a fury, then got up and walked sedately to the bathroom. "Give me the bathroom cam starting at that moment."  
  
The bathroom door opened, and Koboi walked in, turned on the water in the sink, and kept turning the handle until it fell off in her hand, and there was a big red button there. She pressed it. A trap door opened underneath her, she crawled through, and soon vanished out of the camera's sight line.  
  
"Foaly, did you see that?"  
  
"Sure did. It would appear she has an accomplice who she bribed into making the escape trapdoor. Very good mechanics. She must've designed them herself when she was still sane."  
  
"What I want to know is, why didn't the Howler's Peak guys catch this?"  
  
"My guess is that her accomplice rigged the tapes for the cameras he knew about, and they were only seeing those. My tapes could not have been rigged. Once again, you should be thanking me."  
  
"You're not fired."  
  
"You're welcome."  
  
"So, what else- hold it, there's something." A dwarf in guard uniform strode into the bathroom. He saw the trapdoor, snarled, and climbed in himself, after replacing the sink handle and, once inside the tunnel, the trap door itself. "Her accomplice."  
  
"You bet."  
  
"Well, who can we put on this job?"  
  
"One detail I forgot to mention. I ran ground scans on the the Peak, and it would appear that the tunneled escape route leads to Fowl Manor. Simplifies things a bit, don't you think?"  
  
"Well, I don't see why Holly can't get on this case, do you?"  
  
"Not a tad. Her clumsiness is done, I think. She certainly seemed pretty agile at the shuttleport, and she hasn't had an orange yet today. And even so, she's the only one with the standing invite, so it wouldn't matter even if she wasn't okay."  
  
"Send her in, then. This case will suit her fine."  
  
"Will do, Julius."  
  
"Good. And since whe have we been on a first name basis? I've warned you about that, Foaly."  
  
"You call me Foaly."  
  
"Well, you're an inferior. Get her in here, now if not-" Holly walked in. "- sooner."  
  
Holly grinned. "You wanted to see me, Commander?"  
  
"Captain. Opal Koboi has escaped from Howler's Peak. You'll have to ask Foaly for the footage of her escape, go to the location she'll be at a certain time, and recapture her. Now, go watch the tapes, gear up, and move out. You've got time. If you've got any questions, ask Foaly. He gives you lip, smack him. Hard. Even if he doesn't, smack him for me."  
  
Holly suppressed a smile. "Yessir. On my way, sir."  
  
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	14. Extra Length Extended Chapter

Chapter 14  
  
Trouble For Artemis  
  
Butler drove up to the hospital, letting Juliet and the two fairies out.  
  
While he parked, they went in and Trouble, apon seeing the fairy receptionist, fell into deep conversation that Juliet presumed to be in some fairy language.  
  
That had been the part of their shuttleport adventure that had worried her the most. She and Butler only knew English and other human languages, and knew that fairies usually spoke in gnomish. They could only read the symbols. But Mulch had said that if she claimed to have been born aboveground, to a family that had lived there for long enough, she could get away with only knowing aboveground tongues. It had worked, too, and she supposed that the underground had known a lot of things like that to happen.  
  
When Butler came back in, Trouble wrapped up their conversation and turned to Juliet.  
  
"Old girlfriend?" Mulch teased, grinning.  
  
"Yes, actually. Training Academy, first year. But she had news on Artemis." Trouble looked at Mulch, who turned a rosy shade of pink as the receptionist also glared at him.  
  
"Go on."  
  
"Well, Artemis has regained his memory, and is doing slightly better. Sleeping a lot better. And so, since there is still risk of coma, I'd better get in there fast."  
  
Butler nodded. As they all started to troop into the hospital corridor, he leaned over the receptionist's desk and whispered his gratitude, and to please excuse the dwarf, he was still acting like a troll baby. The elf nodded and grinned back. Word from the shuttleport had reached her already.  
  
When they walked into Artemis' room, Artemis could not quite believe his eyes. There was a mutant troll baby, a Juliet who looked like she had gone goth, and Butler's head on what he hoped was not a permanent body. And then an elf, who he did not think looked like Holly, even on a good day.  
  
Needless to say, he passed out.  
  
Angeline and Artemis Sr. stood up and stared at them. And stared. And stared a bit more, before leaving the room. Some things were better off not knowing.  
  
Trouble set right to work. He put his hands on Artemis' temples, and muttered, "Heal."  
  
Blue sparks sank straight down into the boy's head, illuminating his head and making it glow. Though it was undoubtably humorous, no one could even smile.  
  
Gradually the sparks spread over more of Artemis' frame. His head still glowed blue, but now more of him did. Still, no one smiled.  
  
Artemis' body began to shake and hurl itself around, and it was all Trouble could do to hold him down. Artemis thrashed and screeched, and Butler wondered why no doctors were running in to check on the screaming. He figured the receptionist had something to do with it.  
  
As the crashing died down, Artemis slowly stopped moving. He opened his eyes. Everyone in the room smiled. It had worked!  
  
"Holly?"  
  
Trouble stood up. "Nope, she wasn't available. Captain Trouble Kelp, and now I have to record you swearing that you will not have anything further to do with the people."  
  
Artemis looked down at his hands, then back up. "Very well. I suppose it is only-" He was cut off by Trouble's waistband ringing. Trouble pulled a small handset from his belt, and answered with, "Captain Trouble Kelp.  
  
"Captain Kelp. Do not get Artemis' oath yet. We need him. Put me on speaker. You all need to hear this."  
  
"You are, sir."  
  
"Good. Now, you are all forbidden to come back to the Haven or anywhere underground."  
  
Trouble gasped. "But- Commander-"  
  
"Not permanantly, Kelp, just until further notice. Now, Opal Koboi has escaped Howler's Peak, and is at large. Captain Short has pinpointed her location to be in Fowl Manor as of tommorow morning or later today."  
  
Artemis blanched. "You're kidding."  
  
"Not at all. Well, apparently her accomplice, a dwarf named R'hal, tunneled a way out for her. At a price, I'm sure, but he led the tunnel to a place that had already been broken into, and he knew that the place was rich. He doesn't know that it's Fowl Manor, and is thinking that it'll be easy wealth."  
  
"R'hal?" Mulch perked up. "I know him."  
  
"Why am I not surprised. You criminal dwarves stick together."  
  
"Not at all. He's a relative, not that I'm bragging. We were on the Koboi building project together. He's a bit of an odd bird, y'see. He's no kind of friend- stabs you in the back,literally. With whatever happens to be closest to hand."  
  
"Imagine, someone trying to kill you."  
  
Mulch shugged. "He wasn't a nice guy. Nice guys don't try to decapitate you with blunt objects, in my book."  
  
"Well, that at least lets us know what we're up against."  
  
"You have no idea. There was supposed to be another dwarf on the project, and he scared him away. Presumably with force, but I'm not supposed to know that. He tried to get me off it, too, so he wouldn't have to share the pay, but our supervisor wised up and told him off. I'd have been better off without the job. He's a creep."  
  
"What was he doing trying to get Koboi free?"  
  
"My guess? I'd say since she was the brains of a huge scheme that failed only because of an incompetant partner. The deal must've been that he come along, and they share whatever wealth they encounter. A good deal for him, if she had remembered. But as she didn't, he's probably really mad. Am I right?"  
  
"He certainly followed her with an unpleasant expression."  
  
"So he did follow her. I'm not surprised. I'm prepared to bet that when he catches up to her, there won't be much left but a mark on the floor."  
  
"That could have several translations."  
  
Mulch shrugged again. "Dice it up any way you want. But the R'hal I know would not let her live for long if he wasn't happy with her."  
  
"Ok, well, now we know something about her pursuer. What were you saying, Root?" Butler intervened. They could discuss the mind of angry dwarves for hours, but it wouldn't get anything done.  
  
Root blinked. What had they been discussing, anyway? Cursed fungal cigars.  
  
Trouble saw the commander's train of thought run off a cliff and came to his rescue, with "And so, since they will be ending up in Fowl Manor, some sort of action must be taken."  
  
Root blinked again, then shook his head and snapped back into reality. "Yes, yes, of course. Well, Holly is already flying to the Manor, but since she doesn't remember you and will not be able to remember you for at least two months, don't treat her like you know her. She doesn't need any more stress."  
  
Butler, Juliet and Artemis nodded and replied at the same time. "Understood."  
  
Artemis closed his eyes in thought. How did this happen? He had gotten sick out of the blue, some kind of feverish dreams had broken into the blocked off portion of his brain. Then he tried to tell his parents he saved his father and confess to actually shooting him... what was wrong with him? Butler and Mulch were dressed like they were impersonating trolls, for the love of Frond, and Butler looked like a female. Scary, but what had Juliet done to her hair? She was either trying to go gothic or Halloween early. But she had dyed her hair. Bright red, how... tacky. There was obviously a story behind this. And then there was that Holly had been mindwiped.  
  
What had happened to his world?  
  
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Review, please! Sorry, I just realized that my last chapter had a couple errors- there should have been a dividing line between the Root and Koboi part. Sorry! I hope this one works better! I put the lines in, but apparently some unseen force is acting against me... Why won't this tinfoil hat work once in a while? Review review review!  
  
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Ok, since i am trying to really work on chapter length, I'm not even gonna bother with answering reviews and scip ahead to the next chapter. The chapter I had right to this point was 4 pages, which isn't too outrageously bad, but I'll add the next. Happy reading! And remember to review!  
  
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Holly set the acceleration thrusters into really, really fast as she soared through the great blue sky.  
  
Ok, Holly needed to unwind a bit. It struck her as odd that she would feel so stressed after having such an easy time at work, but there you had it. Not every thing was easy. But the wierdest thing to happen was undoubtably that someone had attempted to kidnap her.  
  
Kidnapping. The idea made her laugh. There had only been one successful kidnapping in the history of the people, and the fairy had been mindwiped because of a severe case of Stockholm Syndrome. Sad, she supposed, but the fairy should never have been off guard. She snorted. What kind of officer would be careless enough to get kidnapped, then be unhappy about her captors' deaths? Not any self respecting fairy she knew of, that was for sure.  
  
She set her wings on autopilot, to a certain "Fowl Manor" place. She snorted again. Fowl Manor. What did they have there, chickens?  
  
She stopped thinking and watched the scenery. Irish countryside was the most breathtaking, no doubt about it. She closed her eyes, thinking again.  
  
She knew this Opal Koboi, she was the only other prominent female fairy in history. But that was their only similarity. Opal was a pixie, prone to losing control, and needing a male to share her plans. She gave herself a little smile. Holly bet she never did a thing that did not involve a masculine power. She had only gotten her technology status if she wasn't proving her father wrong, never would have controlled the Haven if Cudgeon hadn't gotten them that far.  
  
Holly wondered how the pixie had gotten out in the first place. No doubt she had bribed some male officer. Whoever would fall for the promises of a mad pixie needed professional help. And if he was already getting it, he needed to stop seeing the quacks like Argon and Cumulous.  
  
A series of beeps brought her back to the current world. When she opened her eyes, she saw a huge stone manor. By the looks of the sign in front of the fence surrounding it, she would guess it was Fowl Manor. Hardly a place for chickens.  
  
She clicked off autopilot and scooped low, grazing a horrendously ugly gargoyle on the way. She grimiced in distaste. Any chickens here would be most likely deformed.  
  
She shook her mind clear of chickens and thought back to what Root had told her. They had already procured the invitation, but she should still go shielded, as not all the family would take kindly to her being there.  
  
She landed, trying not to inspect the gargoyle in her immediate vicinity, choosing instead to flip down her visor, veiw a blueprint of the manor and pinpoint where Koboi was most likely to surface.  
  
Another liberty Foaly took with Howler's Peak top security was that he had each prisoner microchipped, so, on the off chance that they did escape, they could be traced. Holly saw the blue flashing dot in the corner of the manor, turned the blueprint to vertical, and saw that Opal was going to come through in the wine cellar.  
  
She zoomed through the actual house in her helmet visor. She saw that she would have to sneak through the deliveries door, to the nearest cellar door which was probably in the kitchen.  
  
She landed, kept the shield on, and crept through the back door labeled, "Deliveries". She found herself in the kitchen, or so she gathered from the various kitchen appliances that seemed to be too clean and expensive to be used. She saw a door right next to the refrigerator. Opening it, she decided that it was most definitely not the cellar. It was could hardly be called a pantry, it was that huge. More like an uncooked buffet hall. She could barely even see the end of the thing.  
  
Hurridly shutting that door, she looked around for another one. The only other doors, upon later inspection, led to the hall and dining room. She sighed. The only other place a cellar door might logically be would be the pantry, so she explored there next. Walking past mounds of fish roe, caviar, pastrias and other rare Mud delacacies, she finally met the end of the room, and there was the door, which she soon discovered to be the cellar door. Pulling on the light, she walked down the stairs and waited.  
  
She hadn't waited long before the door opened again.  
  
================================================================  
  
Artemis and his company were heading toward Fowl Manor, and, since Butler did not feel like risking their necks on this ride, Mulch did it for him.  
  
Mulch had lots of fun squealing down the country road that was not much dirt by the time he was done. Only the heaviest sediment and largest potholes passed the front wheels, so it stood to reasoning that the passengers in the backseat were very bruised by the end, and the poor soul riding shotgun was sure wishing for such an item. [A/N: If that was too corny for you, the "item" would be a shotgun. Haha]  
  
"Why do you always end up driving?" Juliet moaned.  
  
"You mean this isn't the first time you've let him 'drive'?" Trouble croaked. "How thick do you come?"  
  
Artemis raised an eyebrow. "It seemed to me you would be more qualified, by since you made no offer, I took it you enjoyed his driving."  
  
Trouble shook his head, turning slightly green with motion sickness. "He drove me once before. Just once. And I was guessing that you knew about his disregard for safety and enjoyed it."  
  
Butler said nothing, but the look on his face explained quite a lot. Think murderous, ill, uncomfortable, very green. Then place that head on a female troll's body. You'll understand Butler's day and forgive his mood.  
  
Juliet reemerged from the bushes with a sour expression on her face. "I still can't believe we let him drive."  
  
Trouble nodded at her this time. "I think it's more than slightly dangerous to public health. That got him on at least three of the LEP Most Dangerous Lists."  
  
"I believe it."  
  
"At least we're here in good time." Artemis intervened. "And I would suggest -and invite our new friend Trouble Kelp- we head down to the wine cellar."  
  
There was scattered agreement, and they all went in the mansion. Artemis unlocked the door, leading them all inside.  
  
Trouble looked up. Turning slightly green again, he quickly looked back down. The last time he had been here, he had thrown up all over the entry hall he was about to be allowed into. He tottered on the threshold for a moment, then took a deep breath and walked in.  
  
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Seven pages, I hope that is acceptable. Thank you for the time you are going to take REVIEWING!!!!! *Hint hint* 


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